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More activity can be expected soon. My sister passed on the 4th.


Grizabella
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I've been slowed down a little with my plans for getting more content into the club.  My sister passed away unexpectedly on the 4th and we were very close so it's taken me a little while to regain my equilibrium.  Thank you for understanding.

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Thank you both so much for asking.  My sister and I were very close all our lives until recent years when physical distance separated us. We had a tough growing up time and were all each other really had to cling to through some very rough times but we survived and were each other's rocks.  

 

I was talking to her daughters the other night when they'd been going through her things when something wonderful happened.  They were asking me about my birthstone and I told them mine was citrine and hers was amethyst but that I'd always liked hers better than mine. I mentioned that about 30 years ago I'd had a silversmith make Kathy a ring that was our  two birthstones side-by-side but that I thought probably it had gotten lost along the way somewhere because Kathy and I were both abused women for so long and things were stolen and lost.  They sent me a picture and I was so shocked----they showed me a ring and it's the one I had made for her all those years ago!  They said they want me to have it and that there's a pendant with some of her ashes they also want me to have. I'm so touched that through it all, that ring was still in her possession.  I'll wear it myself now till the day I pass.  It means so much to me. Not just because I had it made for her and it's our two birthstones together but even more for what it's survived and still remained with her.

 

Kathy and I raised our babies together through till their adulthoods, loving each other's children like they were our own.  We laughed and cried together so many, many times.  But the laughter is what got us through.  We always tried to find the funny side in even the worst of situations. I'm sure everyone knows about gallows humor.  We sure had that in play many a time.  I was even able to be there when she had her sixth baby at home.  I still remember that little guy's foot sticking up out of the stork sling when the midwife weighed him.  She had a difficult delivery but finally he came popping right out suddenly.

 

Kathy wasn't very coordinated. I always was very much so but she never did even learn to ride a bike. I tried and tried to help her learn but she could either pedal or steer, never both at once. Our neighbor lady got very exasperated with us because every time I'd get Kathy going on the bike, she'd plow off the sidewalk into that poor lady's marigolds.  The marigolds got replanted a few times but finally we had to give up on Kathy riding a bike.  She didn't fare much better learning to drive a car,  I had just gotten sober for about 9 months when she came to my house and told me she'd been trying to find somebody to ride along with her to practice for her driving test.  I asked her why she couldn't find anyone and she said that they were all too scared to go with her.  I said, "Well, I'll go with you. I'm not afraid."  (Ho, ho!) Her then-husband had just put a new transmission in the car and she was going to try the driving test as soon as she drove a little bit more so she was thrilled I'd go with her and I was thrilled to be able to. I truly wasn't afraid at all.

 

Well, we started out and the first red light or two I reminded her of the red light we were coming to.  Then I thought I should probably let her just see those red lights and react to them herself since she had that test to take.  The next one coming up I didn't say anything---and she didn't stop for it. She went through the red light, a car broadsided us and turned her car up on its side.  I looked at the window next to me and thought, "Oh lord, this is going to hurt" but instinctively I threw myself away from the window and I think that's what put the car back right side up.  We had hit a fire hydrant and a telephone pole, which tore the new transmission out from under the car but she still had her foot on the gas and we were heading for other cars and a billboard in the parking lot. I told her "Kathy, take your foot off the gas!" because she was in shock I think. The front axle broke, so fortunately that slowed us down.  After that, the store whose parking lot we so rudely rammed through put up a very, very strong fence on that corner.  And my dear sister Kathy never did get her driver's license. Scary as that incident was, there were lots of laughs over it later on, though.  

 

That particular husband, once Kathy was divorcing him, killed their pet goat while she was at work one night and while the kids were staying with friends and put the goat's head in her bed so that's what she came home to.  Just one of the many things we went through together. I wasn't there, but we always turned to each other by phone if we weren't able to see each other. 

 

I know Kathy is in a better place now.  She was closest to me though of anyone.  A few months ago I dreamed that she and I were in the forest and were talking about having headstones made when we passed on with the statues of two little girls holding hands.  I think maybe it might have been a premonition of her death.  She was cremated, though, and I've always planned to be cremated, too, so there won't be any headstones with little girls holding hands but I think I'm going to paint what I saw in my dream.  

 

Below is a picture of the ring I had made for her with our two birthstones.

 

 

 

 

 

 

582737247758536089.jpg

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15 hours ago, Grizabella said:

They sent me a picture and I was so shocked----they showed me a ring and it's the one I had made for her all those years ago!  They said they want me to have it and that there's a pendant with some of her ashes they also want me to have. I'm so touched that through it all, that ring was still in her possession.  I'll wear it myself now till the day I pass.  It means so much to me. Not just because I had it made for her and it's our two birthstones together but even more for what it's survived and still remained with her.

Oh my, Griz!  That is such a wonderful story!! :animated-smileys-hug-002:

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I've found that coping with my sister's passing is taking awhile.  At first I was in shock. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile so grasping that she's really gone has been hard.  When she first passed and I posted here, I think I was in shock and in that first stage of coping they used to talk about. I think it's denial if I remember right. Remember that "stages of grief" or whatever they called it where we go through five stages?  Denial and a few other stages that include anger and then the final one is acceptance.  Right now I think I'm sort of hung up in shock and denial. But the pendant around my neck and a little cloissonne heart-shaped box that the girls put some of her ashes in for me (it's so "Kathy"!) brings back to me that yes, she's really gone. 

 

When my niece brought me the ring and pendant and ashes we talked about what happened.  Kathy had leukemia but she chose not to have the bone marrow transplant.  She went into remission for about 2 1/2 years but then last December, right around the time I had that dream about the little girls, her doctor had to tell her that her leukemia had come out of remission.  She still chose not to have aggressive treatment and in fact, she stopped taking all of her medications.  My niece said she got involved with one of the televangelist type of programs and kept saying God would heal her and she was sending money to these people, too.  

 

I owe everyone here at TT&M an apology for having just disappeared for awhile,  I haven't been myself.  But I know I need to come out of my shell and get back to normal because Kathy wouldn't want me to just put my own life on hold. She'd want me to be savoring every day and doing the things that matter to me. She certainly wouldn't want me wasting precious time just sitting here doing nothing. It's spring and the birds and bees and butterflies are all in fine form.  Flowers are blooming and life goes on, after all, for those of us still here.  

 

I'll become more active here very soon.  I just have to go at whatever pace my psyche can handle right now I think.  

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23 minutes ago, Grizabella said:

I've found that coping with my sister's passing is taking awhile.  At first I was in shock. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile so grasping that she's really gone has been hard.  When she first passed and I posted here, I think I was in shock and in that first stage of coping they used to talk about. I think it's denial if I remember right. Remember that "stages of grief" or whatever they called it where we go through five stages?  Denial and a few other stages that include anger and then the final one is acceptance.  Right now I think I'm sort of hung up in shock and denial. But the pendant around my neck and a little cloissonne heart-shaped box that the girls put some of her ashes in for me (it's so "Kathy"!) brings back to me that yes, she's really gone. 

 

When my niece brought me the ring and pendant and ashes we talked about what happened.  Kathy had leukemia but she chose not to have the bone marrow transplant.  She went into remission for about 2 1/2 years but then last December, right around the time I had that dream about the little girls, her doctor had to tell her that her leukemia had come out of remission.  She still chose not to have aggressive treatment and in fact, she stopped taking all of her medications.  My niece said she got involved with one of the televangelist type of programs and kept saying God would heal her and she was sending money to these people, too.  

 

I owe everyone here at TT&M an apology for having just disappeared for awhile,  I haven't been myself.  But I know I need to come out of my shell and get back to normal because Kathy wouldn't want me to just put my own life on hold. She'd want me to be savoring every day and doing the things that matter to me. She certainly wouldn't want me wasting precious time just sitting here doing nothing. It's spring and the birds and bees and butterflies are all in fine form.  Flowers are blooming and life goes on, after all, for those of us still here.  

 

I'll become more active here very soon.  I just have to go at whatever pace my psyche can handle right now I think.  

Hugs! My experience of grief is that it isn't linear, and it can come in waves for a long time. It is good to allow oneself to enjoy the moments when life feels fairly normal or even fun again. 

 

Take good care of yourself!

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On 5/23/2021 at 9:16 AM, Grizabella said:

I've found that coping with my sister's passing is taking awhile.  At first I was in shock. I hadn't seen her in quite awhile so grasping that she's really gone has been hard.  When she first passed and I posted here, I think I was in shock and in that first stage of coping they used to talk about. I think it's denial if I remember right. Remember that "stages of grief" or whatever they called it where we go through five stages?  Denial and a few other stages that include anger and then the final one is acceptance.  Right now I think I'm sort of hung up in shock and denial. But the pendant around my neck and a little cloissonne heart-shaped box that the girls put some of her ashes in for me (it's so "Kathy"!) brings back to me that yes, she's really gone. 

 

When my niece brought me the ring and pendant and ashes we talked about what happened.  Kathy had leukemia but she chose not to have the bone marrow transplant.  She went into remission for about 2 1/2 years but then last December, right around the time I had that dream about the little girls, her doctor had to tell her that her leukemia had come out of remission.  She still chose not to have aggressive treatment and in fact, she stopped taking all of her medications.  My niece said she got involved with one of the televangelist type of programs and kept saying God would heal her and she was sending money to these people, too.  

 

I owe everyone here at TT&M an apology for having just disappeared for awhile,  I haven't been myself.  But I know I need to come out of my shell and get back to normal because Kathy wouldn't want me to just put my own life on hold. She'd want me to be savoring every day and doing the things that matter to me. She certainly wouldn't want me wasting precious time just sitting here doing nothing. It's spring and the birds and bees and butterflies are all in fine form.  Flowers are blooming and life goes on, after all, for those of us still here.  

 

I'll become more active here very soon.  I just have to go at whatever pace my psyche can handle right now I think.  

IT's denial, anger, bargaining, grief and acceptance. What a synchronicity that I was reading through these yesterday. My MIL is still to cope (one year hence) after her husband passed--and I can see how she goes back and forth through these stages as she is processing them. I think a sudden and unexpected death tends to do this to us. Talking about it, as you are now, is one good way of working through your feelings.

 

Our spirits are eternal. We live on in a different form even after our bodies have long gone, and we can choose to return to Earth to live out our karmic cycle again. And often, once we know our time is nearly up, we open our mind up a little and decide we want to spend our limited time a certain way, which is what it seems your sister did .

 

Take as much time as you need--you will know when you are ready. Sending love,

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On 5/23/2021 at 4:16 AM, Grizabella said:

I owe everyone here at TT&M an apology for having just disappeared for awhile,  I haven't been myself.

Dear Griz, you don't owe anyone an apology!  You do what you need to do so feel better!!  We all understand your desire to be here but remember, you come first! :bubble_blovekiss:

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Milkeyedmender
On 5/23/2021 at 2:16 AM, Grizabella said:

I'll become more active here very soon.  I just have to go at whatever pace my psyche can handle right now I think.  

I just joined and read through your recent loss. I second what Raggydoll said-my grief isn't linear either.  Having a relationship with a sister, especially one that is so very close, seems to be like having an extension of yourself.  I can only imagine that loss would be like living without a part of your own body, and even once you've adjusted there would still be those phantom pains.  Sending you hope and hoping you have many memories to cherish-maybe some forgotten and soon to be remembered.  May her memory be a blessing.

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Thank you so much everyone for all the condolences and understanding. I appreciate it so much.

 

To complicate matters, my daughter (who does my shopping and looks out for me in general) and I both got covid!  It's only been a few days since I've come out of it. I'm still going to get the vaccination because there are some bad variants, they say, but my gosh----it was extremely scary.  Especially the difficulty breathing.  I live in a large RV but large though it is, the bathroom is still close by my bed but I could barely get there and back, I was so weak and breathless.  And the pain----my gosh, the pain was like the flu or fibro on steroids. I just toughed it out because I was afraid if I went to the doctor or hospital they'd put me on a ventilator I couldn't get off of, but I've had plenty of medical knowledge and training so that I felt safe enough in just waiting to see if I could get better.

 

Once I started getting better, I was still extremely weak and got breathless at every little exertion. I was afraid that was going to continue but thank goodness it hasn't.  I still do get out of breath easily but at least not just from the trek to the bathroom or into the kitchen for food. 

 

Something they've mentioned in the news over the months that's a characteristic of covid-19 is the loss of the senses of smell and taste.  Both my daughter and I have experienced that. We're still not recovered in that sense.  Those senses just gradually left toward the end of the worst of the illness.  Hers is coming back but slowly and now mine flickers in and out just a wee bit here and there.  I was actually able to smell a couple of things yesterday very briefly and I was able to taste a soda she had brought me but not very accurately, I don't think, and not for very long.  I had forgotten hearing about those side-effects till a few days after we were experiencing them and she mentioned it. 

 

Anyway, I'm still alive and thankfully so.  I'm grateful that my daughter and I both made it through the virus.  I had signed up at the online site where the doctor and pharmacy said we had to sign up for scheduling our vaccinations but they never did contact me and now I've had it anyway.  I don't know how it is anywhere else in the country but here in Oregon the doctors and pharmacies all had the notice on their websites or phone recordings that we had to sign up at the online website rather than contacting them for appointments for the shots.  

 

Anyway, I'm feeling better physically and emotionally now and better able to get back to living a normal life.  I've got all my watercolor supplies I'm anxious to start using and the weather is beautiful so that's a lot to look forward to.

 

Hugs to everyone. I've missed you all. 

 

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oh @Grizabella I am sorry you have had such an awful time and then got you both got Covid. I am glad you are improving and take it easy! It's a nasty illness and do what you feel you can do that day and take it very easy! It takes a while to recover and there is no hurry ❤️ My best friend got Covid at the start in March 2020 and she lost her taste and smell for nearly 4 weeks, even when she felt better from everything else. Glad you have both come through it and hope you can do some painting again, thinking of you both :shug_kittyhug_100-100:

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On 6/18/2021 at 8:50 PM, Grizabella said:

Anyway, I'm feeling better physically and emotionally now and better able to get back to living a normal life.  I've got all my watercolor supplies I'm anxious to start using and the weather is beautiful so that's a lot to look forward to.

 

Hugs to everyone. I've missed you all. 

Good grief, Griz!  I'm so happy to hear you both are doing better.  That is so frightening and just shows  your fortitude for pulling through on your own.  You are a strong woman!  With love, :bubble_blovekiss:

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