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EmpyreanKnight

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I somehow got pregnant despite using the shot, a condom, and the fact my man said it was slim to none that he would ever have a child--he even has the record to prove it.

 

I really don't want this child, but as it is supposedly a miracle baby, he wants to keep it.

 

I do not understand how my guides can just have such control over my body.  I said multiple times i didn't want kids.

 

The Universe does not care.

 

Oh, Shinsoo. I wish I had the right words with which to offer comfort or reassurance, but I don't.

 

But don't lose hope. No matter how it may appear, you have control of your own body right now. I don't know where you live, what laws may apply, or what spiritual beliefs you hold, but you do have choices. Continuing the pregnancy? Keeping vs. giving up the baby? You have choices, even though none of the options is easy. Your guides, your husband, the fetus -- they cannot take your free will.

 

I urge you to find a neutral, professional person to talk to -- a counselor, a psychologist, a doctor -- someone besides your husband or family to confide in. Also, before you feel you need it . . . before . . . look up the phone numbers for things such as "depression hotlines" if they have them where you live. Write a couple down on a card that you keep in your wallet. That way anywhere you are, anytime, you'll have someone to call just in case you need it.

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Shinsoo, I am sure everyone who visits by the forum is sending their support and I am sending my  <3

You've got loads of good energy on your side!

 

Adding to what Annabelle said, if you are struggling, I am sure there are free services near you where you can talk to an impartial third party person. Get some support from someone not so close to the situation.

 

Oh the universe, it's sends the most crazy unexpected things for us to deal with but I do believe it's not maleficent! I think it does try to support us whatever it throws at us  :hug: <3

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For the second night in a row, we rescued a stray kitten. For the second night in a row, we barely slept.

 

And I still smell like cheap canned tuna, despite a long bath and liberal application of scented Bath & Body Works lotion.

 

But it was worth it. The local volunteer cat fostering folks picked up the first kitty yesterday, but when we called them about the second kitty, they said that their volunteers can't take on another one right now.

 

So . . . we have a wee baby kitty. A tortoise shell colored little girl. And wow can she climb. She's been all over my tarot room, weaving in and out of shelves and books and decks. We have her in there because there are multiple doors that can be shut tightly, to keep her from wandering and to keep her from our other cat, who is middle-aged and quite set in her ways :).

 

I have a whole list of things to get at lunch for kitty-fostering purposes.....

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For the second night in a row, we rescued a stray kitten. For the second night in a row, we barely slept.

 

And I still smell like cheap canned tuna, despite a long bath and liberal application of scented Bath & Body Works lotion.

 

But it was worth it. The local volunteer cat fostering folks picked up the first kitty yesterday, but when we called them about the second kitty, they said that their volunteers can't take on another one right now.

 

So . . . we have a wee baby kitty. A tortoise shell colored little girl. And wow can she climb. She's been all over my tarot room, weaving in and out of shelves and books and decks. We have her in there because there are multiple doors that can be shut tightly, to keep her from wandering and to keep her from our other cat, who is middle-aged and quite set in her ways :).

 

I have a whole list of things to get at lunch for kitty-fostering purposes.....

Aww that is so good of you to keep her!  Teach her early to stay away from your cards, kitties love to chew!  "NO" is your friend!  ^-^  Anytime you want to talk kitties, I have 5 in my bedroom now but they'll soon be mixing with the 7 cats in the main part of the house.  Oh the bliss of cats!  ::)

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DNA testing has confirmed that I have another half-sister (we share a father).

 

So now I have 3 half-sisters and 2 half-brothers for certain, plus one more brother who might be a half-sibling by blood, or might have been adopted? I'm not sure, but he does have my father's last name.

 

My father got around, that's for sure.

That is awesome! I’ve been kinda hoping for that, I used 23&me, it was a free study funded by Phizer for lupus research. I’ve been thinking of using another company. Who did you use? My dad got around too...

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DNA testing has confirmed that I have another half-sister (we share a father).

 

So now I have 3 half-sisters and 2 half-brothers for certain, plus one more brother who might be a half-sibling by blood, or might have been adopted? I'm not sure, but he does have my father's last name.

 

My father got around, that's for sure.

That is awesome! I’ve been kinda hoping for that, I used 23&me, it was a free study funded by Phizer for lupus research. I’ve been thinking of using another company. Who did you use? My dad got around too...

 

I used 23andMe. I've also done the DNA test through Ancestry, so technically I have 2 sets of results. But it was through 23andMe that I'm finding and confirming new family relationships.

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For the second night in a row, we rescued a stray kitten. For the second night in a row, we barely slept.

 

And I still smell like cheap canned tuna, despite a long bath and liberal application of scented Bath & Body Works lotion.

 

But it was worth it. The local volunteer cat fostering folks picked up the first kitty yesterday, but when we called them about the second kitty, they said that their volunteers can't take on another one right now.

 

So . . . we have a wee baby kitty. A tortoise shell colored little girl. And wow can she climb. She's been all over my tarot room, weaving in and out of shelves and books and decks. We have her in there because there are multiple doors that can be shut tightly, to keep her from wandering and to keep her from our other cat, who is middle-aged and quite set in her ways :).

 

I have a whole list of things to get at lunch for kitty-fostering purposes.....

Aww that is so good of you to keep her!  Teach her early to stay away from your cards, kitties love to chew!  "NO" is your friend!  ^-^  Anytime you want to talk kitties, I have 5 in my bedroom now but they'll soon be mixing with the 7 cats in the main part of the house.  Oh the bliss of cats!  ::)

 

Bliss indeed :). Our middle-aged cat is still quite doubtful, but we're keeping them separated and being sure to show them both plenty of attention. The kitten is sometimes eager to escape the confines of the tarot room, and there've been a few moments when I've suffered quiet and intense panic (when she began making concentrated efforts to leap onto a high shelf with signed, limited editions of OOP Magic Realist Press decks, for instance). Suffice it to say, I've put a LOT of things away or or into other rooms for a while.

 

Anyway, the kitten is fascinating to watch, and is very sweet and gentle once she tires of running, rolling, playing, leaping, and climbing. And she learned to use the litter box very quickly with only one dramatically messy accident :D. And the kitten has worked miracles on my partner's depression. His mood is so much better these last few days. He's become the primary kitten caretaker while I'm at work (he's off this semester so has plenty of time at home for a while).

 

 

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aleatoryEpiphany

I feel like I'm on a rope bridge - shaky and without any anchors. It's not a pleasant feeling and I can only hope that I get over this feeling soon but I think it'll probably take me a while to get over how this new cycle in life began for me. It was fantastic the first two days, but then it turned terrible, and while I've been informed this is the best thing for me, it doesn't make it any easier to get over the loss of a six year relationship. Ah, oh well. At least we are still friends and I am in a state of mind where I can immerse myself in my spirituality.

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Bliss indeed :). Our middle-aged cat is still quite doubtful, but we're keeping them separated and being sure to show them both plenty of attention. The kitten is sometimes eager to escape the confines of the tarot room, and there've been a few moments when I've suffered quiet and intense panic (when she began making concentrated efforts to leap onto a high shelf with signed, limited editions of OOP Magic Realist Press decks, for instance). Suffice it to say, I've put a LOT of things away or or into other rooms for a while.

 

Anyway, the kitten is fascinating to watch, and is very sweet and gentle once she tires of running, rolling, playing, leaping, and climbing. And she learned to use the litter box very quickly with only one dramatically messy accident :D. And the kitten has worked miracles on my partner's depression. His mood is so much better these last few days. He's become the primary kitten caretaker while I'm at work (he's off this semester so has plenty of time at home for a while).

My son was in Iowa all last week and it's the first time I had to take care of all 12 cats indoors and 3 outdoor cats without any help and some nights when I was really tired, I had kitty poops to clean!  The only knick-knack stuff I have around is in my tarot corner.  If you fill the shelves totally full and don't leave room for them to jump, they usually don't try.  Also, I use a medicine cabinet to keep my tuck box cards in, really helps keep cards safe!  These are fairly recent piccies of some of my corner featuring my cabinet of tuck boxes (it's changed since this photo) and one of my stuffed bookcases.

http://www.ladymoiraine.com/gallery/0/3-111117183926-12.jpeg

Amazingly, the cats don't go on the shelves in the corner because they can't get a paw hold! :D

http://www.ladymoiraine.com/gallery/0/3-111117183922-8.jpeg

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I feel like I'm on a rope bridge - shaky and without any anchors. It's not a pleasant feeling and I can only hope that I get over this feeling soon but I think it'll probably take me a while to get over how this new cycle in life began for me. It was fantastic the first two days, but then it turned terrible, and while I've been informed this is the best thing for me, it doesn't make it any easier to get over the loss of a six year relationship. Ah, oh well. At least we are still friends and I am in a state of mind where I can immerse myself in my spirituality.

You'll be OK Mari!  You will survive this.  I was married for 20 years and found out my ex had been cheating for 10 of those years and as bleak as things seem, you WILL make it!  I raised my son with the saying Tomorrow is Another Day and as long as the world spins, that is truly what we have to look forward to.  Another Ace in the offering every morning we wake up so get up!  Gotta get out of bed, tuck that 4 of Cups away and be the 8 of Wands, move!  And smile, you've got friends you don't even know yet.  <3

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I was married for 20 years and found out my ex had been cheating for 10 of those years... .  I raised my son with the saying Tomorrow is Another Day and as long as the world spins, that is truly what we have to look forward to.

 

Oh my, dear Saturn!  <3 <3 <3 That is very tough, but my intuition tells me you are a very strong lady. Present moment. That's all that counts.

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Shivani[/member], thank you so much!  Yes, I'm fine,  ^-^

 

Today has been a big day! My son and I opened my bedroom door to let our 5 babies [kittens] out with the big cats in the rest of the house.  And what do my cats do?  Take a nap!  I'll be up all night I suppose or I better take a nap now while I can get one.  ;D

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aleatoryEpiphany

You'll be OK Mari!  You will survive this.  I was married for 20 years and found out my ex had been cheating for 10 of those years and as bleak as things seem, you WILL make it!  I raised my son with the saying Tomorrow is Another Day and as long as the world spins, that is truly what we have to look forward to.  Another Ace in the offering every morning we wake up so get up!  Gotta get out of bed, tuck that 4 of Cups away and be the 8 of Wands, move!  And smile, you've got friends you don't even know yet.  <3

 

Thank you so much for your kind words, SaturnCeleste. <3 I'm doing much better right now and am treating myself to a couple nice things to help keep my spirits up.

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Shivani[/member], thank you so much!  Yes, I'm fine,  ^-^

 

Today has been a big day! My son and I opened my bedroom door to let our 5 babies [kittens] out with the big cats in the rest of the house.  And what do my cats do?  Take a nap!  I'll be up all night I suppose or I better take a nap now while I can get one.  ;D

 

That's so cute. I can just imagine them. [emoji4] Did they run you ragged, after all?

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EmpyreanKnight

Been a busy bee for the last few months. I was supposed to get a break last week, but there was another emergency at work so that was scrapped. We have 2 holidays this week tho, so I can take a breather and catch up a bit on posting here.

 

I so missed you guys. <3

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EmpyreanKnight

When I have to work, I work, but when I'm given some time to rest, I can be such a lazy ass that I'd be content lying in my bed all day with a smartphone or some book/s. I can hardly be faulted for this - the rains make for a perfect bed weather here.

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I should've taken better selfies while I was in Bali. I have nothing presentable for the dating apps. I'm not very photogenic anyway, but none of them look like IDK.

 

Maybe when I'm in Japan I can ask my brother to snap some nice photos of me looking somewhat normal. IDK.

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EmpyreanKnight

June is ending in a few days. This means that by the end of the week, half of 2018 would have already been gone. Where did it go? :o

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I wonder what it's like to be somebody's main priority. (Or at least not completely disregarded.)

 

Would I feel less uncomfortable/guilty about it if I liked him back? Maybe it would help if I were equally as devoted to him?

 

I genuinely can't think of a time when I was somebody's main priority and not an afterthought that came after this or that, his wants and needs... (I just lost about half an hour of my life that I can't get back trying to think of a time when I was so important to someone that I was a priority.) It must be really awkward for someone to love you like I've loved others. Awkward.

 

The above navel-gazing 3 paragraphs just explained perfectly what it means to have asteroid Ophelia in the 7th house... Wow? Should I write a whole textbook about that placement now?

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