Why SOME of us may like to read for others here, but not want an EXCHANGE

[devin]

11 hours ago, katrinka said:

"Nope, nope, bad interp, nope, doesn't ring a bell, nope..." 

 

Ah, the Katrinka treatment. 😆

 

I don't like exchanges either. Mainly 'cause my life is quite uninteresting.

Edited April 6, 2021 by devin

[katrinka]

11 hours ago, devin said:

 

Ah, the Katrinka treatment. 😆

 

Darn straight. Thank you. 🤣
 

11 hours ago, devin said:

I don't like exchanges either. Mainly 'cause my life is quite uninteresting.

 

Mine mostly is, too. Anything interesting would be nobody's business but mine. 😉

[gregory]

I have enough trouble thinking of questions or a focus when I'm in a circle. I'm so old there's very little left that I need to know.

[Raggydoll]

I don’t ask for return readings anymore unless it’s by someone I am comfortable with and who knows me. The reason for that is that I have had a couple of reading experiences that were very unpleasant. What I mean by that is that they were disempowering (“you must/mustn’t do this”) and some of them also contained unsolicited advice (that wasn’t to be found in the question nor in the cards) about things like health etc. 
 

I don’t read much for myself these days either, I think mostly because I have a different perspective on some things now. Direct experience is really important to me and to my path. 

[HOLMES]

9 minutes ago, Raggydoll said:

I don’t ask for return readings anymore unless it’s by someone I am comfortable with and who knows me. The reason for that is that I have had a couple of reading experiences that were very unpleasant. What I mean by that is that they were disempowering (“you must/mustn’t do this”) and some of them also contained unsolicited advice (that wasn’t to be found in the question nor in the cards) about things like health etc. 
 

I don’t read much for myself these days either, I think mostly because I have a different perspective on some things now. Direct experience is really important to me and to my path. 

 

I think our feedback should be to help the reader be better.. that could be pointed out.. 

Or even become a reading rule sticky 

To read before offering readings. 

1. That could be a point to try to leave the querant empowered. 

2. Please refain from unsolicated advice..that one can be hard for your more i uitative reader who relies on feeling. 

Hmm i think for number 2. Sometimes i can beaccused of that when i hear something or feel something.. 

Which would be why some of us dont want tbe readi g in case they gleam insight.. 

 

Yeah i can see differnt perspectives.. i am a differnt reader then i was in2002.. more experienced but also more hardened by loss and grief.. 

I just dont have the energy to get readings knowing i must give greatfeedback.. 

 

Also i am a virgo with leo rising no doubt i be one of those perfectionists feedbackers. Hehe( pucture of snape in my head .. good old alan rickman)

 

 

[Raggydoll]

1 hour ago, HOLMES said:

 

I think our feedback should be to help the reader be better.. that could be pointed out.. 

Or even become a reading rule sticky 

To read before offering readings. 

1. That could be a point to try to leave the querant empowered. 

2. Please refain from unsolicated advice..that one can be hard for your more i uitative reader who relies on feeling. 

Hmm i think for number 2. Sometimes i can beaccused of that when i hear something or feel something.. 

Which would be why some of us dont want tbe readi g in case they gleam insight.. 

 

Yeah i can see differnt perspectives.. i am a differnt reader then i was in2002.. more experienced but also more hardened by loss and grief.. 

I just dont have the energy to get readings knowing i must give greatfeedback.. 

 

Also i am a virgo with leo rising no doubt i be one of those perfectionists feedbackers. Hehe( pucture of snape in my head .. good old alan rickman)

 

 

I am not sure if it would be necessary for me to feel empowered after every reading, but at least not feel disempowered, if you know what I mean. It is very hard to know what will empower someone else, but I think there are some fairly common things that tend to disempower people, and those I feel should be avoided. The unsolicited advice thing is particularly problematic when you can sense that someone is using the situation of the reading as an excuse to hand you broad life advice based on what they would like for you to do. I always provide honest feedback though. I should probably also mention that these readings that I am referring to here were private readings, they did not take place in a thread here on the forum. 

[HOLMES]

3 minutes ago, Raggydoll said:

The unsolicited advice thing is particularly problematic when you can sense that someone is using the situation of the reading as an excuse to hand you broad life advice based on what they would like for you to do. 

 

This here is a hard thing to avoid a lot of times as i know i like to encourage people to follow their dreams. 

Then to end up like a dear abby can be problematic. And habbit forming.

 

I used to enjoy that pyschic column in either the world news or the enquirer.

The picture of the blonde . It occurs to me now that it could of just been a staff writing boths the letter and the answer. 

 

I think social media also infliluences reading style.. or how they should act..

Jojo,  kenny kingston to john edwards, james van praagh.. to the hollywood medium. Even apn has got into it with the spirit speaker. A native shamn who has the medium gift. 

 

 

 

 

 

[Raggydoll]

44 minutes ago, HOLMES said:

 

This here is a hard thing to avoid a lot of times as i know i like to encourage people to follow their dreams. 

Then to end up like a dear abby can be problematic. And habbit forming.

 

I used to enjoy that pyschic column in either the world news or the enquirer.

The picture of the blonde . It occurs to me now that it could of just been a staff writing boths the letter and the answer. 

 

I think social media also infliluences reading style.. or how they should act..

Jojo,  kenny kingston to john edwards, james van praagh.. to the hollywood medium. Even apn has got into it with the spirit speaker. A native shamn who has the medium gift. 

 

 

 

 

 

Well, you are reflecting on it and that is a really good sign. Many are not aware that they have been influenced by social media and by other readers on youtube etc. I think in some aspects (but definitely not in others!), it was easier back in the days before there were any other readers to compare yourself with! I mean, do you guys remember the time before forums when, if you wanted to know how anyone else read the cards, the only way was to try and find a tarot reader near you to book an appointment with? As far as I know, there were no tarot readers in the area where I grew up, so I never witnessed anyone else reading the cards. This also meant that I never saw anyone else's deck collections and didn't feel bad for only owning two decks (none of which I particularly liked) 🤣 Oh, the good old days! (Just kidding, I would never want to be without my tarot friends 🥰 )

 

 

 

[katrinka]

1 hour ago, Raggydoll said:

I am not sure if it would be necessary for me to feel empowered after every reading,

 

Agreed. Pressure to do that could lead to unsolicited advice: "Well, if I were you, I'd blah blah blah..."

 

We were talking about this in another thread someplace, about how we need to stay as neutral as possible and stick to what the cards are saying. 

 

[Raggydoll]

27 minutes ago, katrinka said:

 

Agreed. Pressure to do that could lead to unsolicited advice: "Well, if I were you, I'd blah blah blah..."

 

We were talking about this in another thread someplace, about how we need to stay as neutral as possible and stick to what the cards are saying. 

 

Yup. I’m very okay with a neutral, ‘to the point’ reading. I think my favorite card readers are those that are neither bossy nor woo-woo fluffy. Maybe I’m just a very difficult client 🤣

 

I apologize if I took this discussion off topic. I’ll reprimand myself a bit now

 

 

 

 

[gregory]

3 hours ago, Raggydoll said:

I am not sure if it would be necessary for me to feel empowered after every reading, but at least not feel disempowered, if you know what I mean. It is very hard to know what will empower someone else, but I think there are some fairly common things that tend to disempower people, and those I feel should be avoided.

 

Empowerment is not what I'm looking for. A different perspective is more the thing. When I can't see the wood for the trees, it can help for someone to point out the wood.

 

3 hours ago, Raggydoll said:

The unsolicited advice thing is particularly problematic when you can sense that someone is using the situation of the reading as an excuse to hand you broad life advice based on what they would like for you to do.

 

This SO much. There are many things I KNOW are not true for me where one or two readers have tried to force me to see the error of my ways.  Things that would hugely damage me if I were to follow the advice the readers were determined I had to accept to move forward. Some readers are too sure that they know you and your life better than you do - and it's usually because of their own life-view. To take it away from tarot for a sec - people who will tell you not to have an abortion when you KNOW that is the right thing for you; how that putative baby will bring you so much joy and is a blessing and all that. What they mean is that they would never want an abortion and nor should anyone else. But they have no right to suggest that their path should be yours. 

 

3 hours ago, Raggydoll said:

I always provide honest feedback though. 

 

That can be hard to do sometimes, when they KNOW I am "wrong" to dare to disagree...

 

55 minutes ago, Raggydoll said:

Yup. I’m very okay with a neutral, ‘to the point’ reading. I think my favorite card readers are those that are neither bossy nor woo-woo fluffy. Maybe I’m just a very difficult client 🤣

 

You didn't take it off topic at all. In fact you pinpointed the reason I avoid some readers in particular !

[Raggydoll]

Glad you didn’t think it was too off topic Gregory, I hope @GreatDane feels the same (otherwise I’ll just split off or remove some of it)

[gregory]

How can some people's reasons for not wanting an exchange be off topic ?  

[Raggydoll]

Just now, gregory said:

How can some people's reasons for not wanting an exchange be off topic ?  

😁

 

[GreatDane]

I am enjoying the GIFS!  AAHHAHAHAH SHERRY LEWIS AND LAMBCHOP, haven't seen them in ages.  The sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words is so true...and sometimes so funny.  

[GreatDane]

And a PS, threads take on a life of their own.  I NEVER care about if a thread goes off topic here and there.  It's only if it really generates a completely new (and what I find REALLY interesting!) topic, I hope someone starts another thread because I want to follow theirs and the way they're bringing up something brand new! 

 

I am enjoying all the thoughts swirling around here....I hope others are too. 

[Bodhiseed]

I don't really care to do exchanges either. Like many have said, at my age I struggle to find a pertinent question to ask. Also, I read for insights rather than to tell fortunes. When I read for others, its usually a cooperative effort that asks more questions than offers firm answers. I find the people I read for seem to be more discerning about their actions when they see their patterns and can then make their own decisions rather than me telling them their best options.

[GreatDane]

I like your perspective, Bodhiseed 🙂

[Carlo]

Why would there be an automatic expectation of an exchange reading? Genuinely curious if/when this has been an issue in particular communities. It would seem to be a rather personal imposition, if you're not explicitly signing up for it in the first place.

 

Soliciting feedback is different, although one also has to be in right frame of mind for it to be useful.

[gregory]

It's not a matter of an automatic expectation, but there is a subforum here specifically FOR reading exchanges, AND - if someone wants to ask for a reading they have to offer a reading first - which is an exchange, not ask for a freebie, so... I'm very much for that; if you don't set it up that way people show up asking for free readings and this site is not about that.

[HOLMES]

3 hours ago, gregory said:

It's not a matter of an automatic expectation, but there is a subforum here specifically FOR reading exchanges, AND - if someone wants to ask for a reading they have to offer a reading first - which is an exchange, not ask for a freebie, so... I'm very much for that; if you don't set it up that way people show up asking for free readings and this site is not about that.

 

Yup what gregory said

https://www.thetarotforum.com/forums/forum/20-tarot-reading-exchange/

Is where the exchange happens.. we make the offers or you take one with the expectation one will follow the conditions for the subsection, and in particular the conditions set forth in the thread one is agreeing to the reading for.

 

Readings take time, energy on the person , and so some of us just want the feedback which for me is payment for that. So i forgo the exchange for perhaps deeper feedback.

Even if i am just practicing. 

Course the other person may want to do a reading which is why i say for feedback only. 

Also it gives values to the forum imo 

Yeah sure don't want free readings deluge.  

Edited April 13, 2021 by HOLMES

[GreatDane]

What Holmes said.  I totally get what Gregory is saying and agree completely, unless someone offers readings and says they just want feedback.  Otherwise you can get people taking advantage (which we all know has happened) by asking for multiple readings from different readers, same question, in the span of an hour or less. 

I do want feedback, happy to give clarification if someone doesn't understand what I meant in a reading and those who are getting a free reading and do not GIVE feedback, I never read for again.