People testing you

[hierophant]

As I'm just staring with tarot, I've been offering free readings in exchange for feedback several places. Most people are nice and thankful, but I find some people are deliberately testing me.

 

I've gotten questions such as "where do I work?" to which I've replied that they probably already know this. And then there are those who deliberately mislead me in the question, and then in the feedback tell me I'm all wrong. Like they ask if they'll meet someone new for a relationship soon, but in the feedback say they had a spesific person in mind that they had a few dates with. And then I feel like they are like "got ya, you didn't see HIM in your cards, did you?"

 

How do I reply to these people? I don't want to be rude, but I feel as though they are rude to me first. Also, the reading will be wrong if they give me incorrect information... How do I get this across in a nice way?

[Little Fang]

Lies will be met with uncooperative cards, as you only receive the energy you put out in return.

 

At least that is how I perceive and explain it should it happen.

 

I have no patience for testers! They are wasting ours and their time too.

 

:hug:

[Page of Ghosts]

I don't read a lot for others but I think they are very rude to begin with and if it was me I would sit there hissing at my screen as I read their feedback, haha. Then I would call them out firmly but calmly if I wasn't too upset.

 

Maybe a sort of disclaimer in your original post where you offer the readings could discourage this behavior? Explain how you think tarot works, that incorrect information doesn't make for a very accurate reading. Tarot is not an exact science and it's great if you can be of help to others, but if they aren't gonna be honest with you just to test you they're wasting everyone's time. Would be better for them to get their own pack of cards they could bother if they're gonna be like that! "Where do I work?" sounds like a thing you'd ask your cards for fun and see if you can connect the dots with the cards that show up, but I get the impression those people aren't in it for the fun, but to prove tarot doesn't work or make you feel small and dumb.

[hierophant]

Lies will be met with uncooperative cards, as you only receive the energy you put out in return.

 

At least that is how I perceive and explain it should it happen.

 

I have no patience for testers! They are wasting ours and their time too.

 

:hug:

Yes, if they provide incorrect information the answers in the cards will of course be incorrect. It's a total waste of time!

 

I don't read a lot for others but I think they are very rude to begin with and if it was me I would sit there hissing at my screen as I read their feedback, haha. Then I would call them out firmly but calmly if I wasn't too upset.

 

Maybe a sort of disclaimer in your original post where you offer the readings could discourage this behavior? Explain how you think tarot works, that incorrect information doesn't make for a very accurate reading. Tarot is not an exact science and it's great if you can be of help to others, but if they aren't gonna be honest with you just to test you they're wasting everyone's time. Would be better for them to get their own pack of cards they could bother if they're gonna be like that! "Where do I work?" sounds like a thing you'd ask your cards for fun and see if you can connect the dots with the cards that show up, but I get the impression those people aren't in it for the fun, but to prove tarot doesn't work or make you feel small and dumb.

Yes, a disclaimer would be in order! But I have a feeling a lot of people do not read my original post, and just throw out questions that I in no way can answer.

 

I state in my original post that I do not answer questions about health or giving birth, but still get questions about it. And then I get a lot of PMs about "what does he think about me? does he miss me?" and "will he break up with his new girlfriend?" I don't answer those either.

 

Luckily, I don't feel small or dumb about it, I just wonder what kind of fun they get from it. As long as all I do is offer free readings, that I have stated is just for fun and that I am still learning so people should not take it deadly serious, then why bother proving it wrong...

[DDwarks]

This is unfortunately the way it goes when its free. People use and abuse.

 

You could try offering a reading for a reading maybe?

They are more likely to be specific with their question if they're in a way paying for it.

 

Falling that, make a note of the ones abusing your time and effort so you know whose questions to ignore next time!

 

When I used to offer readings, I use to make a point of saying that I wouldnt read if the question had already been asked elsewhere - I was checking (!) or if they had a bad feedback history - that I checked also!

 

You are perfectly within your rights to refuse to read for anyone you dont feel like reading for too.

 

Its your thread. You call the shots ;)

 

 

[Pixie]

What sort of site are you offering the readings? I would probably only offer free readings on forums or sites that are specifically for Tarot, Occult, that sort of thing as there are unlikely to be as many trolls and people will be serious about their request. The added benefit is that they probably have at least some idea of Tarot and can offer better feedback (or a reading in exchange).

 

If the site you are offering readings on is moderated in any way, you could offer the readings for "serious inquiries only" and/or in exchange for "constructive feedback". Obviously, if someone is just asking an overly silly question to try and trick you, you could just refuse them and if they ask what seems to be a serious question but then says "Nope, you were wrong!" you could say that it was not constructive feedback? It may discourage them from trolling if you are explicitly clear that basically no trolling is allowed and the forum is moderated.

 

I know in some forums, people might add a list of names they will not offer services to in order to discreetly call out poor behavior (people who are trolls, rude, etc), that may be enough to deter someone who cares about their reputation on the forum.

[hierophant]

This is unfortunately the way it goes when its free. People use and abuse.

 

You could try offering a reading for a reading maybe?

They are more likely to be specific with their question if they're in a way paying for it.

 

Falling that, make a note of the ones abusing your time and effort so you know whose questions to ignore next time!

 

When I used to offer readings, I use to make a point of saying that I wouldnt read if the question had already been asked elsewhere - I was checking (!) or if they had a bad feedback history - that I checked also!

 

You are perfectly within your rights to refuse to read for anyone you dont feel like reading for too.

 

Its your thread. You call the shots ;)

thank you!

 

Yes, in some ways I've been considering making people pay something, just to weed out the ones deliberately abusing my time. It could very well be a return reading! That's actually a good idea!

 

I've refused a lot of people, mostly because I felt their questions would be unethical to answer. (if their ex will break up with new girlfriend, how someone else's health is...). I also refuse the ones who's obviously just testing me. But some just "reveal" this after the reading.

 

[Saturn Celeste]

hierophant[/member] are your exchanges on other tarot forums?  Is so, shame on them!  If they are not tarot forums, you're going to get this from some people.  Practice politely brushing them off if the questions are unethical.  A tarot forum is a community of like minded individuals that love the tarot.  If you are getting these types of questions, you can politely ask them to reword their question.  One thing to remember is to not be confrontational with these people.  Maintain your professionalism (doesn't mean you're getting paid, just how you act) at all times but there are ethics in reading tarot.  Most tarot readers don't read for someone else who don't know they're being read.  And if a question does not feel right or does not fit, you have the right to refuse that question.  To refuse a question, politely let them know you are having a problem with that question and let them know you feel they are not being sincere with their questions.  Never get short with them!  Yes, they are testing you!  But should you be reading for someone else, and you ask them what's going on, they'll come back with well, you should know, you're the tarot reader.  This even happens with paying customers.  Always be polite and act professionally but if you feel the question is bait, tell them nicely that you need clarification on their question and work with them to see if they do have a legitimate need to be read.

 

We're tarot readers, not psychics.  (Well that isn't always the case many of us are psychics or highly intuitive) so we aren't bound to read people's minds!  But when you're faced with these confrontations, use them as a learning tool on how to handle these kinds of people, politely.  And if you do get negative feedback, look at it objectively and see if perhaps you could have done the reading differently.  Not all readings are going to be right on.  I've made a few bloopers especially early on, they were very flat and I got unenthusiastic responses.  So always look to yourself to improve.  Tarot is a study, it takes years of living the tarot so if you're new to it, give yourself some time to mature with the craft.  The study of tarot is an exciting adventure!   

[DanielJUK]

you don't have to read for people who "test you", you can refuse to read for someone whenever you want if you don't feel comfortable with it or they are mocking you. You could say that you read for advice, not their current life which they know about. Why not try to read for people who have more of a divination interest. like tarot groups if there is one locally? Seek out likewise people rather than people who really have no interest in it.

 

Is this online or offline? Look for places with a likewise interest, you will get people who are interested in your readings.

[The Sibyl]

This is an easy one. You're starting out with Tarot, you're all thrilled to practice, you want to help out and to share and all that stuff that is wonderful, but:

 

- You don't owe a reading to anyone. Unless it is your mother, who went to several hours of labour to bring you here, in which case, you have to do a reading. You don't owe anything to anyone else.

 

- From all the people you don't owe a reading to, this is, nobody, especially, you don't owe a reading to people who are being an a** from the very beginning.

 

- Just don't read for them. It's not about being nice or being rude, is about people who don't give a pickled pepper about your work and your reading, even if it turns out to be the best reading ever given.

 

- If you feel extra sassy, you can always use an illustrative GIF, like the one below:

 

 

[hierophant]

Thank you all for the replies!  <3

 

I really am very excited about getting a lot of practice ang learning as much as I can. That's why I chose a general forum to offer readings, to get all sorts of questions.

 

In hindsight, that might not have been a good move  ::)

 

My mentor gave me a few ethic rules to go by: don't do readings on third parties who did not ask for it - absolutely no spying on people's minds, don't treat the cards as a party trick, don't do life or death questions.

 

I find a lot of people thing the cards are made for breaking those rules. Like, the testing, it feels like a cheap card trick. And asking about an ex's new relationship is spying.

 

I also get a lot of people who just want a "general reading" and when I give that, they come with a follow up question about what they really want to know. I don't know if this is a test or just ignorance. But I'm not a mind reader. I'm not a psychic. I'm a girl with a deck of cards.

 

Thank you all for the replies. I will continue to reject people which are clearly just wanting to abuse my time by testing me. And also those asking questions I find it unethical to answer.

[Saturn Celeste]

I also get a lot of people who just want a "general reading" and when I give that, they come with a follow up question about what they really want to know. I don't know if this is a test or just ignorance. But I'm not a mind reader. I'm not a psychic. I'm a girl with a deck of cards.

hierophant, this is a good thing!  This is what you want!  You are tossing out a general reading and this develops a trust between you and the sitter.  They might not have even known the real question when they asked you so they look at what you do as a card trick.  But because your general reading connected with them, NOW you're at the real meat of their situation.  Having a more direct question to work off from is easier than fishing for something in a general reading.  What it turns out to be is someone who now has a real question they want to ask.  I guess what I've been trying to say all along is to always give people a chance.  If this is an online reading so much is lost in text.  Some people have another first language aside from English and this might influence the words they use in text.  That's why I suggest to be polite with people at first and give them a chance.  I'm not saying there aren't assholes, oh man are there!  But not everyone is and the way I see it, everyone should have a chance if they come to you.  And I agree with something everyone has said on this thread is it's YOUR thread!  You are not obligated to read anyone, you are in control. ;)

[hierophant]

I also get a lot of people who just want a "general reading" and when I give that, they come with a follow up question about what they really want to know. I don't know if this is a test or just ignorance. But I'm not a mind reader. I'm not a psychic. I'm a girl with a deck of cards.

hierophant, this is a good thing!  This is what you want!  You are tossing out a general reading and this develops a trust between you and the sitter.  They might not have even known the real question when they asked you so they look at what you do as a card trick.  But because your general reading connected with them, NOW you're at the real meat of their situation.  Having a more direct question to work off from is easier than fishing for something in a general reading.  What it turns out to be is someone who now has a real question they want to ask.  I guess what I've been trying to say all along is to always give people a chance.  If this is an online reading so much is lost in text.  Some people have another first language aside from English and this might influence the words they use in text.  That's why I suggest to be polite with people at first and give them a chance.  I'm not saying there aren't assholes, oh man are there!  But not everyone is and the way I see it, everyone should have a chance if they come to you.  And I agree with something everyone has said on this thread is it's YOUR thread!  You are not obligated to read anyone, you are in control. ;)

totally understand what you mean. :)

Guess I just got so overwhelmed by request that I thought people could only get one freebie each :)

 

It was on a Norwegian forum though, so I imagine language was not a barrier :)

 

Thank you for the input :)

[Saturn Celeste]

Guess I just got so overwhelmed by request that I thought people could only get one freebie each :)

 

It was on a Norwegian forum though, so I imagine language was not a barrier :)

 

Thank you for the input :)

 

You're welcome.  <3  Even though the tarot is not a physical job, it is a mental one.  And sometimes when we're barraged with many readings at once, it DOES get overwhelming!  Pace yourself and don't expect to do them right away.  I have to sit on some of my readings and keep them in my thoughts until I am ready to write it down.  You'll develop your own style but for early on, it won't hurt you to do extra readings, it's all a learning process and you will benefit from every reading you do.  Some of the members here have been reading for 10+++++ years!  A long time!  And that means, they've done a ton of readings.  ^-^

[Arch]

It is easy to feel isolated when one is performing fringe activities.

Especially when no one else in real life support it.

Personally I've put aside the deck several times,

because I just couldn't get myself to face the insecurity it brought up in me.

 

I mostly read for myself nowadays, and have little interest in practicing on other people,

so little that most people I know, either don't know, or if they do, have forgotten that I can do it.

 

Personally I find that it starts with the energy and mentallity I use to approach others about reading.

Sure, the trolls/testers will show their heads either way, cause that is an issue they have.

But when one has faith in ones own stance and feel balanced in it,

that will naturally just push such people aside.

Easier said than done, especially when one is excited or insecure about what one is doing.

Before that, one needs to either screen applicants,

or just accept the inevitable random fallout of dealing with random people.

 

From experience, if something doesn't seem right,

framing the reading as an attempt to expand their awareness of a situation could be a good idea.

Telling people explicity that questions are not allowed, and that they will be reframed into topics,

that will be explicity communicated back to them, should destroy any tester.

After all, if the tarot is framed as something different than they project onto it,

then their projection falls apart, cause usually they are there to prove a point about some idea they have about divination.

When they realize that what you are offering don't fall into the category of their grievance, they may just go away.

As then it is not fun anymore, cause basically they want to prove you wrong.

If you take that away, they will be motivated to be elsewhere.

 

Whenever someone seemed like a hardheaded "empiricist",

I just stated that tarot was an old and complicated form of brainstorming.

Then I asked, do you have a topic you want to brainstorm on?

They never took me up on it, and they always looked very let down,

like a child who lost their favourite toy.

[HOLMES]

alas you will always have a test or two coming at you

1. the tester

 

these are the ones out to prove you are a fraud, and so will try to prove to anyone you are a cold reader, or once some information is provided a warm reader.

 

2. the fool

 

these are the ones who don't know what they are talking about when talking to you for they are so nervous they forgot everything.. it is only afterwards they migh realize we were right .

 

3. the forget ful one..

 

this falls under the fool but more so as they will even say that didnt' happen and then a friend sitting by them will say yes it did remember ?

you see this sometimes on the old john edwards crossing over show.

 

of course i am talking about in real life.. it is rare to have a jokerster sit down for a reading.

 

but on the forums it  is differnt,, to be honest you are quite brave to go read on a general forum.. i already read on a tarot forum, or at least a psychic/spiritual one so one hardly runs into the tester..

 

we run into stead half of the time, the reading junkie ,, who wants free readings from everyone . ! eheh

 

i think the best thing you can do to learn is ask for detailed feedback and provide feedback to their feedback.. that is the key point for you make sure you are understood, and it is a process sometimes. plus you can keep your ego in check by counting hits,, nad half hits and misses.

for in live readings we would say something and the person would give feedback and we might trigger an inutive flow from there.

 

[Cobweb]

I’m open in real life about my interest in tarot but tend to be quite shy about offering readings...  I think you’re really brave to offer readings on a general forum!

 

It seems to me that there are two problems:  firstly, people who just want to be unpleasant (a sad but true fact of life); and secondly, people who don’t understand what tarot is or what it does.  Personally, I wouldn’t worry about being rude to the first set of people.  If I had time or energy, I might try to educate the second set.

 

But basically, you’ve offered to do something nice for someone, to give up your time and energy to help them.  That’s really great.  You’re not obliged to deal with idiots who are trying to be mean.

 

P.S.  Love the way you are sticking to your sense of ethics in your readings!

 

Arch[/member] I love your description of tarot as “brainstorming”.  I am so going to use that next time I have to try to describe what I do!

[hierophant]

Thank you HOLMES[/member]

Yes! I think I've encountered the forgetful ones. In their feedback they go "this was wrong" but then it looks like it was right. For example, I did a reading where I asked a person if they had a problem on their mind, and maybe someone backstabbing them. But then said they had dropped all their friends recently.

 

So. I have misses. I have hits. And I have in between :)

 

I also noticed the reading junkies... Like they want new readings until the answer changes...

[Arch]

I love your description of tarot as “brainstorming”.  I am so going to use that next time I have to try to describe what I do!

Glad to hear it.

I think it is a lot about the energy one brings to it.

They bring swords, so I will too, and we can spar a little.

Since I know more about the terrain than them, they are at a disadvantage.

 

All energy/spiritual/religious systems are possible to use to reconnect it to another focus.

Like they say in Hinduism, if Muladhara (root) or Ajna (third eye) is reality or an illusion,

depends on what plane one spends the majority of ones time in.

Being brought up in a western society, I have no other choice than to accept Muladhara (the world of senses) as real.

And going too far off into Ajna (astral), could be very hazardous to my wellbeing,

as there is no tradition to support people who meditate all day in the west.

If the root dies, so does the tree.

 

[EmpyreanKnight]

I read for others gratis, so if I think that they'd just undermine what we're doing then I'd rather not proceed at all. I reckon that professional readers won't be so carefree about this tho.

[Saskia]

I would still use it as a learning exercise. The point of doing free readings is to learn to be better, isn't it? If people give you flippant questions, give flippant answers but try to still gauge as much from the cards as possible. Pull a card for where they work and see if you get it right. If you don't, don't blame yourself, chalk it up as learning. It's not about you having to prove your worth to the querents, it's about you learning to read.

 

Obviously, if it's a troll that's deliberately trying to trap you, you can politely say that you use tarot for self-reflection, meditation etc and it's not even supposed to be some sort of an all-seeing magic ball that tells you the next week's lottery numbers. If they don't accept this or abuse you for it, move on and forget.

[Petalene]

People trying to test you are being stupid. I get this all the freaking time where I work. People bring their item in and when I ask what’s wrong it, it’s “guess.”

 

OF COUSRE I CAN GUESS, BUT WE MIGHT BE HERE ALL DAY!

 

Tell me the problem and I’ll fix it faster. It’s the same thing. They feel superior because the cards didn’t reveal a bunch of stuff they concealed and so they are “better” than the reader. If I go to doctor, a therapist, a mechanic, or a tarot reader, I tell them why I’m there. I’ve had a professional reading and I got the insight I was looking for because I told the woman what I needed help with.

 

People are jerks and the ones getting free stuff seem to be extra jerkish about it. If someone concealed something important, I’d simply say that I was doing the reading based on the information provided and that the next time they get a reading (hopefully with someone else), they should tell the reader relevant information to their question.

 

[Wanderer]

I have little problem with people challenging or testing me, because I know where they're coming from. It drives me loopy trying to decide whether anything 'strange' is really going on, and if it is, then how on Earth it does it. I recently did short (3-card) readings for a sceptical brother and partner (they didn't previously know that I used the cards at all), without either of them telling me the question until afterwards. In both cases I knew at least roughly what the question was from seeing the first card, and the rest were as compelling as ever.

 

They they asked what reading I would have been able to come up with if the cards were in a different order, and whether it would have been just as appropriate. In general, the answer was no. There were also concerns that I might influence people to follow a reckless (for example) course of action, because the cards tell them to leap into the unknown, but I pointed out that the long discussion that came out of the reading was actually the main value. It showed them their thoughts from a different angle, and let them make up their own mind as to what to do. We're not talking about seeing random events in the future here, but rather shining a light into our own psyche.

 

In the end, I tell them, does it matter whether the cards are being drawn in any sort of mystical way, or whether they are allowing us to tap into something unexplained? I can't say that anything uncanny is definitely happening (although it certainly seems that way to me), because I have no rational explanation for how it might work. The point is, that by whatever process, it does work; and by working, it helps people.  That's good enough for me.  8)

 

As for my brother & partner... well, I do believe they were left rather thoughtful and just slightly spooked.  ;)

[AJ-ish/Sharyn]

I've  been tested/challenged as a hairdresser, secretary, hospice respite care, atheist ...

 

It is also hard to read for a query like "my mother ran away, and the house needs painted, so what doctor should I use"

 

I'm glad you are offering readings, it is a fast track to growing your skills.

Stay Calm, Carry On Reading.

[EmpyreanKnight]

I don't mind honest questions as long as they're respectful and made out of a genuine sense of curiosity. I know that first-time querents tend to be rather uneasy too, so I do my best to quell their worries. I read for the love of it, because I want to expand my knowledge and to help others too. I don't have anything to prove, so if they can't trust the process and even try to be antagonistic (passively or otherwise) then we're just wasting our time, right? Healthy skepticism is alright, but sarcasm or put-downs merit my showing you out of the door.