Spiritual Principles - False Pride

[Bodhiseed]

I help run a recovery group that is inclusive (anyone with a pattern of behavior they are trying to change is welcome); it focuses on spiritual principles rather than religion or the 12 steps. It's more for people who have been in recovery (no longer at the 'white-knuckle' stage) and are looking to recover their joy. My personal feeling about spirituality is that it is first and foremost a practice that helps me grow and get out of self-absorption, instead of a Santa bag that gives me things I want.  I thought I would post some of the topics we talk about here (I generally talk about what I need to work on!). I learn from other folk's input, even when it differs from mine, so please feel free to discuss in whatever way you'd like. :)

 

False Pride

 

Definition:  an exaggerated opinion (low or high) of oneself that is not based in reality.

 

Symptoms (not all may apply):

• A feeling of uniqueness; believing we or our situation is different from everyone else to the point that no one could possibly understand.

• Always looking for outside approval or confirmation; a desire to keep up appearances and secure the admiration of others.

• Intense, defensive reactions when we are questioned, feel slighted or criticized.

• Arrogance and a sense of entitlement; any feeling of inadequacy is covered up by perceiving ourselves as better than someone else (not just more skillful, but a better human).

• Craving attention or notoriety; we are excessively zealous in presenting our beliefs or displaying our expertise, often snubbing or ridiculing those who don’t agree.

• Extreme efforts to avoid humiliation or embarrassment; we often blame others, deflect (change the topic), or use self-justification.

 

False pride will keep us from ever knowing authentic self-respect because we refuse to look at ourselves honestly. It prevents us from being open-minded and learning new behavior that will enable us to live responsibly. The fears and insecurities it hides won’t be seen with clarity and responded to with wisdom.  Mature, healthy relationships will be impossible.

 

 

 

[Bodhiseed]

I suffer (suffering caused by myself) from that feeling of uniqueness. Being a Buddhist in the Bible Belt makes me feel different, and so I often become defensive when people question my beliefs. The problem is that we are all different – our religious or political affiliation, our sexual orientation, our race or ethnicity and our childhood upbringing creates individuals. So it’s normal that our viewpoints don’t always agree. Because of our differences, we all are traveling on different lanes of a highway. Those who are Christian where I live can’t truly grasp the condescension I experience as a Buddhist (and neither should I expect them to). Although my best friend is a black woman, I will never understand how racism feels because I haven’t lived in her skin. I may empathize with her, but I can’t travel in her lane. Yet we sometimes insist other people must ride in our lane when it comes to our ideas and beliefs, because we think we have the right ones. We may be traveling in different lanes, but we are all headed in the same direction – a spiritual path. False pride can tear us apart, but love and respect can keep us focused on our primary purpose. My job will be to be honest with myself and alert to the red flags (symptoms), so I can stay open-minded and work on my own stuff instead of pointing out other people's faults.