Spouse Against Use of Tarot

[Guest Sippy]

Hey there! :)

 

So, without getting into too many details, my husband doesn't want me to use tarot. He thinks it's "derived from the Devil" and has told me he doesn't want it in his house. I can totally understand where he is coming since he comes from a very religious background. I do too, but I have found my own way. When we met, he knew of my different spiritual beliefs and use of Tarot. It wasn't a problem, but now it is. Tarot is a part of me. It'd be like me telling him I didn't want bibles in the house.

 

He asked me to show him how I do a typical reading. I did. Y'all...it was like tearing myself open  :( the look on his face.

 

Anyone else have experience with this?

[Star83]

BUT... Its your life. Never ever ever give up anything just because it makes your partner happy. That's not how it works. You gotta still do you, whilst being in a relationship. He has no right to make you do anything. I've been in this situation many times with my ex. He wanted me to stop everything for him but only do what he wanted including his friends and family. At the end of the day your partner has to accept it. If however he givesu ultimatum and says he can't be with u unless u stop, don't budge. If u do as he says he will lose respect and do this to you all the time. You will lose yourself and one day wake up miserable cos you won't be doing the things you enjoy.

 

And yes my ex and his family said astrology and tarot was the devil and they made fun of me cos of it. They're left brain only. So I found my own ppl to share my interests with.

[HOLMES]

to be honest ..

 

your story sounds like tragic stories you read about how psychics/initatives shut down for the good of the family but at the same time they close down their spirit ..

or eventually they have to bust free in order to free from psychic chains on their psyche 

 

 

the only logical thing as a virgo who never been can suggest is marriage consuelling in the effort to find a medium in which he could accept you as you are like he did before he got married..

it is hoped he is going through his own judgment process and perhaps he may come around on his own.

[Arch]

Tell him to watch this...

[Queen of Nothing]

You have to decide for yourself if this is something indicative of bigger problems within your relationship. It's important that even he if doesn't agree with your beliefs that he respect them. If he knew about your interests when you met, but is only now telling you to get rid of them (married and thus much more difficult to leave a toxic situation) then that should raise some flags.

 

When I was still seeing my ex, he was a skeptic and an atheist and yet he always respected my Catholic beliefs and my love of tarot. He never once mocked me or made me feel uncomfortable about our difference of belief, and would often times send me memes about both things because that's how he expresses his sense of humor and how he supported my interests. He never demanded I give up the things that me happy just because he didn't agree with them. So it is possible to have difference of belief as long as there is mutual respect. All this is to say that no, I haven't experienced what you are going through, but also to say that there is a way to maintain love and respect even when acknowledging your differences.

 

So, with that in mind, you have to decide if you want to give up your hobbies and passions for him just because he asked you too. And if he starts demanding you stop tarot, you have to wonder what else he will ask you to do, and you have to decide just how far you'll let him go. I very strongly urge you to examine your relationship and see if this is indicative of something else. If it's just because it makes him uncomfortable, no big deal, you two should be able to cooperate to ensure both of you come up with a solution that makes you both happy. But if he wants to control what goes on in his house to the degree that he asks you to give up a hobby, you need to take steps to take care of yourself because that is toxic and incredibly abusive behavior.

[Raggydoll]

Oh. I must say that, I too, see red flags here. In my perspective there is a huge difference between saying something like “Honey, I don’t want to hurt your feelings but your hobbies are making me uncomfortable. I wish I could just work past it but I have to be honest about how I truly feel” and saying something like: “You need to stop with your hobbies, it’s the devils work and I don’t like it”. I don’t know if you get my point but there is a definite difference in emphasis. Saying “..and I don’t like it” is very much like saying “..and I don’t approve!” - which turns it into a power shift where the two of you are suddenly not equal in your positions. THAT is where the red flags come in, in my humble opinion (not being an expert by any stretch of the imagination!)

 

And I agree that it is troubling that he didn’t seem to mind about your interests previously in your relationship, and that now of a sudden he is so very adamant about it. Maybe I am reading to much into your words or not getting the full picture.. but yeah, red flags. If this is a 100% isolated event and he does not express this kind of behavior in any area of your life then fine. Maybe it truly is a fear of damnation. And maybe you can talk about it and at least find a level of respect (as in not mentioning the devil or trying to make you give up your hobbies, while you continue to practice them with discretion.) I sure hope so. Sending you lots of love and strength!

[hierophant]

People can be evil. A deck of cards can't.

 

It is JUST a deck of cards. There is nothing magical about it. You may use it to see situations from a different angle, and to brainstorm a situation. But in the end, you will make all your choices yourself. The cards will not tell you to live by a set of rules or to judge others. The cards will never tell you that someone else's faith is inferior to yours.

 

Which, some religions, will certainly do.

 

The judging of others, and the belief that one set of beliefs is better, has certainly led to a lot of cruelty throughout history.

 

So is the problem here the cards, or your beliefs being different, and the communication being broken?

 

(I have tried to keep my personal feelings about religion out of this post. But for reference, I am an atheist, and I have little understanding on the concept on faith.)

[EtherealMoonRose]

Perhaps he should educate himself on tarot cards.

 

This would drive me insane.

 

You should be able to have interests and hobbies in whatever you like.

[gregory]

Oh. I must say that, I too, see red flags here. In my perspective there is a huge difference between saying something like “Honey, I don’t want to hurt your feelings but your hobbies are making me uncomfortable. I wish I could just work past it but I have to be honest about how I truly feel” and saying something like: “You need to stop with your hobbies, it’s the devils work and I don’t like it”. I don’t know if you get my point but there is a definite difference in emphasis. Saying “..and I don’t like it” is very much like saying “..and I don’t approve!” - which turns it into a power shift where the two of you are suddenly not equal in your positions. THAT is where the red flags come in, in my humble opinion (not being an expert by any stretch of the imagination!)

 

And I agree that it is troubling that he didn’t seem to mind about your interests previously in your relationship, and that now of a sudden he is so very adamant about it. Maybe I am reading to much into your words or not getting the full picture.. but yeah, red flags. If this is a 100% isolated event and he does not express this kind of behavior in any area of your life then fine. Maybe it truly is a fear of damnation. And maybe you can talk about it and at least find a level of respect (as in not mentioning the devil or trying to make you give up your hobbies, while you continue to practice them with discretion.) I sure hope so. Sending you lots of love and strength!

 

All this. Don't give up any part of YOU for another person. You will lose yourself. If he insists that you get rid of your cards - get rid of him. Seriously. It isn't HIS house to say what may or may not be in there; the place belongs to BOTH of you (I don't care what the deeds say - it's your home too, and you have equal rights about what's in it). The language he is using is a huge red flag.

 

I know someone whose spouse made her give it all up - and from a genuine fear of it all. They are now divorced - after a few truly horrible years where her self got totally crushed. People have to be themselves or die, emotionally.

[Thoughtful]

l absolutely agree with what Gregory says my first husband totally crushed me. l stood his behaviour for 13 years then eventually divorced him. l was and am very spiritual, he was totally against tarot, healing and anything that did not conform to the bible and his religious beliefs. He even said l was hallucinating and should see a psychiatrist. Its all about control, its unreasonable behaviour . Why give up something that you love. If the tables were turned would he give up his religious beliefs for you.

There have to be some compromises in a marriage.

 

Have a look at the video 'Arch' linked and see if your husband is amenable to viewing it. l do hope he will its very insightful. 

[Jewel]

And I agree that it is troubling that he didn’t seem to mind about your interests previously in your relationship, and that now of a sudden he is so very adamant about it. Maybe I am reading to much into your words or not getting the full picture.. but yeah, red flags. If this is a 100% isolated event and he does not express this kind of behavior in any area of your life then fine. Maybe it truly is a fear of damnation. And maybe you can talk about it and at least find a level of respect (as in not mentioning the devil or trying to make you give up your hobbies, while you continue to practice them with discretion.) I sure hope so. Sending you lots of love and strength!

This is what raises the red flags for me too here.  He said nothing before you were married, he married you knowing you had this hobby and interest.  And as Gregory said, it is just as much your house as his.  He needs to be reminded of both of these things.  The compromise here could be that you will not use the Tarot cards while he is around, you will make some time to yourself to enjoy that hobby and keep it out of his sight, but that he has to respect and accept that you are an individual as well as his life partner.

[Kmartin60]

I know exactly what your going thru... my husband of 34 years decided suddenly that he wanted all my decks out of his house. (By this point I was over 100 decks) A big basketful! And I compromised and sent the majority away. I still have some decks and I am sure he probably know it but I don't bring them up and it works. But he is also NOT the type to get all fussy demanding me to stop all the things I do but he truly just got to feeling very uncomfortable with all the decks sitting here in living room will I played with them. (So, really my own fault)  ;D I mean, he knew when he married me that I am a very religious nut, I loved things like tarot astronomy etc. and colleting things and not a very good housekeeper... it just caught us both by surprise. LOL He could have ignored it if I wasn't ignoring him playing with these huge pile of them in the evenings.  But I wasn't about to throw a fit over it and toss 30 some-odd years of a real great marriage out the window over it. I just quietly replaced a few.  X-D

Can you be satisfied with not using your cards when he is home or around? Does he go thru your private areas of your things to where you have no real privacy for some items? This is a subject you will have to consider long and hard about what you are willing to compromise or deal with. Is he the type of person that like the others have said if you give in on this will he push you on other areas to this extent? trust you OWN heart and gut.... as you make your decisions.

 

Brightest Blessings, Kim

[Guest]

He should be more open-minded. You definitely have a lot to talk about with him.

 

That being said, you've made a few posts recently about readings that hint you're dissatisfied with your marriage and seem to be trying to use the Tarot to justify having an affair with your neighbor, when multiple users have replied to you more or less gently that they think Spirit is trying to tell you it's not worth the trouble.

 

I think you should be asking your Tarot more questions about yourself and your close relationships, because you will feel much easier having those problems resolved in a karmically healing way than adding more negative energy to your life. Concentrate on what you have now and how you can protect, preserve and heal it - remember that Four of Pentacles you just got?

[Guest Sippy]

He should be more open-minded. You definitely have a lot to talk about with him.

 

That being said, you've made a few posts recently about readings that hint you're dissatisfied with your marriage and seem to be trying to use the Tarot to justify having an affair with your neighbor, when multiple users have replied to you more or less gently that they think Spirit is trying to tell you it's not worth the trouble.

 

I think you should be asking your Tarot more questions about yourself and your close relationships, because you will feel much easier having those problems resolved in a karmically healing way than adding more negative energy to your life. Concentrate on what you have now and how you can protect, preserve and heal it - remember that Four of Pentacles you just got?

 

Thank you for your honesty and advice. Yes, I suppose I am using Tarot to justify having an affair whilst ignoring the root issues in my marriage. I appreciate you, thank you.

 

And thank you to everyone else who replied. Y'all made very valid points. I definitely have a lot to think about. I'm so happy I have joined this site. So many of you have helped to clear my clouded judgement - as I struggle with being bias with my readings.

[Jewel]

Thank you for your honesty and advice. Yes, I suppose I am using Tarot to justify having an affair whilst ignoring the root issues in my marriage. I appreciate you, thank you.

If your husband has an inkling as to you using tarot in this manner (journals, overhearing you, etc), it could have much to do with his reaction and wanting it out of the house ...

[gregory]

He should be more open-minded. You definitely have a lot to talk about with him.

 

That being said, you've made a few posts recently about readings that hint you're dissatisfied with your marriage and seem to be trying to use the Tarot to justify having an affair with your neighbor, when multiple users have replied to you more or less gently that they think Spirit is trying to tell you it's not worth the trouble.

 

I think you should be asking your Tarot more questions about yourself and your close relationships, because you will feel much easier having those problems resolved in a karmically healing way than adding more negative energy to your life. Concentrate on what you have now and how you can protect, preserve and heal it - remember that Four of Pentacles you just got?

I don't think any of us can actually say someone "should" be anything - and that includes open-minded. The red flag here is the change AFTER the marriage, and the saying - effectively that it's HIS house and what he says goes. I wasn't aware of the affair side of this....

 

but:

 

Thank you for your honesty and advice. Yes, I suppose I am using Tarot to justify having an affair whilst ignoring the root issues in my marriage. I appreciate you, thank you.

If your husband has an inkling as to you using tarot in this manner (journals, overhearing you, etc), it could have much to do with his reaction and wanting it out of the house ...

If he thinks that the tarot is enabling the affair - that could have something quite big to do with  it - if he thinks that making tarot go away will stop the affair, that makes a little more sense. Does he know about the affair - has it been mentioned between you ? I'm afraid it's probably time to find out. If it's about the affair rather than your tarot - communication is needed.

[Saturn Celeste]

Sippy has left the forum, this thread is locked.  Although she never said anything to us moderators, I think perhaps she left to appease her husband.  I hope things work out for her.