Aspen Sage Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I am not sure what is happening or why, maybe I am just having confidence issues, but I feel really disconnected with readings for others for the last couple of days. I have read for myself for years and several months ago started studying the cards to a greater depth than just the one deck and one book I had. I read pretty much intuitively from only that deck and book for years. When I first started reading for other people, my ideas were still fresh, and I went into it not knowing if it would be helpful to anyone or not, but the feedback was amazing. Some people wrote back pages about how the readings resonated with them, told me I had a gift and so on...I took that as a way of the universe telling me to continue reading tarot and learn more about it. The last couple of days I have been feel lost and confused when I am doing readings for others. I am not as muddled reading for myself, but I am feeling blocked or disconnected reading for other people at the moment. I don't know if it's just anxiety or I have too many ideas about the card meanings floating around in my head since I have been reading a lot of different books and different approaches to the cards. I have also done a lot more reading than I am used to. Somehow that clarity, that intuitive "yup" that I had when I first started reading for others feels muted or diluted. I am not sure how to describe it. It's making me kind of sad though. :( Has anyone else had this experience? Is my ego getting in the way? Am I questioning myself more than I need to and creating doubt? Do you have any advice for me as to how to get out of this mental muck? Looking for some guidance.
Eric13 Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 Take a day or two away from the cards. Its okay. Take a nice hike or long walk or do some yoga. When the feelings hits you, go back to the cards.
Guest libra Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 I find that I need to separate my research phases from from reading phases. It's like the stuff that I research needs to really settle in within me, to allow what resonates to sink in deep and what doesn't fit me to simply fall away. Without that time, sometimes my readings end up with me trying to regurgitate everything I learned and not really speaking MY truth about the cards. I find taking the time to journal about my research without the pressure to actually read for someone is what I need. Then when I do go to read for people, I really do understand and relate to what my research brought up and the relevant portions naturally come up through intuition, you know?
Aspen Sage Posted March 20, 2019 Author Posted March 20, 2019 I find that I need to separate my research phases from from reading phases. It's like the stuff that I research needs to really settle in within me, to allow what resonates to sink in deep and what doesn't fit me to simply fall away. Without that time, sometimes my readings end up with me trying to regurgitate everything I learned and not really speaking MY truth about the cards. I find taking the time to journal about my research without the pressure to actually read for someone is what I need. Then when I do go to read for people, I really do understand and relate to what my research brought up and the relevant portions naturally come up through intuition, you know? I think that is exactly what I have been experiencing - like I am regurgitating everything possible I have learned about each card that comes up and it's hard to see the message clearly with all that information running around my head. Journaling is a great idea! I think I will go back to The Complete Tarot Reader by Teresa Michelsen. I have been feeling drawn to go back to that book again. She focuses on intuitive reading of the cards rather than a more academic approach. There are a lot of good journal prompts in her book. I have been feeling kind of pulled by the two sides. I am a pretty good book study, but it's been interesting to balance that with reading intuitively. Upon starting studies, I very quickly learned that I needed to go back and forth between the practice and the study, I can't just hammer away at the books all the time. Taking breaks altogether is beneficial too. I have been feeling a bit of pressure as far as having time and really wanting to practice and learn because it's exciting! I really need to remember that balance. I'll try doing some journaling with that book and take a break from reading for others for a bit. Thank you!
Aspen Sage Posted March 20, 2019 Author Posted March 20, 2019 Wow, I just had this realization (again) that whenever I falter, even a little bit in life, I start doubting myself, my intuition and questioning if I should even be doing anything that I am doing. It's alike I am witnessing how quickly I can go from hope and trust to completely feeling lost and hopeless. I also realize how this has been a reason for so many troubles I have had in life. Believing in myself has been a struggle and it took several moments of enlightenment to crawl out of the darkness over the course of years. I knew my intuition was pretty much always right and I just needed to trust it, but that trust, on a constant basis, is a process. At first I didn't even know how, I just knew I needed to! After the initial pull to study the cards, I realized that this very practice can help me learn to trust my intuition. As soon as I had my mind start feeling muddled and confused these last few days, at some moments I started questioning if I might just be a crappy tarot reader, and maybe I am no good at this at all and perhaps all the readings I have done that resonated so well just happened to be right and it was just a bunch of hoopla and I am fooling myself. Holy smokes how quickly my mind can go down hill! Trust. The universe always guides, sometimes we just don't see the messages clearly. Phew!
Miho Posted March 20, 2019 Posted March 20, 2019 It's pretty normal to black out. I'm used to getting information constantly outside of reading, but say I've been reading very intensively for several days in a row non-stop, it will inevitably bring on a black-out if I don't break. I know when it happens too, because the cards will come back garbage and the spread will be very literal and parodic. It's like my cards have put up a sign that says "Out of service" and are letting me know I lost signal. If you've also been developing your gift rigorously lately, that's also normal and healthy to black out in-between growth spurts. They become less common as you open more and get more "bandwidth". It's like you're making more room for the higher volumes of information (or energy) that you're taking in. If you can tell it's going out, be careful not to force too much prior because it can trip up your accuracy. Maybe you've heard of stressing the 3rd eye, it's like that, but really short-term. I've found when I push through, I get crazy stuff and then it just goes out. It should come back feeling nice and shiny, robust, etc. I find that it helps a lot with improving accuracy to know when the cut off happens and to let it run it's course. It also helps with telling the difference between gobbly-gook (bad stream) and when you're actually picking up something legit. So that comes with time I think, but it will come. It's like it learns from your most recent readings how to pick up more and has to make room to accommodate, is how I would describe it What libra describes I also agree is way to avoid a total black out when you least need it. Sometimes it can be a bit overwhelming and make you really question your skill-level, because what comes right before can be pretty jumbled (that's why I call it gobbled-y-gook). It's so bizarre too when it happens to me, a total black out, and I feel really refreshed and everything feels new. It's just natural for me to feel things, and when it's off it's like I'm off the leash. People are a blank slate. I can normally feel quite a bit around letters, in voices, things like that, so it can be noisy. That is all gone. It's actually really wonderful when it happens. I treasure those moments because they let me forget those things exist for at least a few days and I can really wind down... I can just savor life.
Aspen Sage Posted March 20, 2019 Author Posted March 20, 2019 If you've also been developing your gift rigorously lately, that's also normal and healthy to black out in-between growth spurts. They become less common as you open more and get more "bandwidth". It's like you're making more room for the higher volumes of information (or energy) that you're taking in. If you can tell it's going out, be careful not to force too much prior because it can trip up your accuracy. Thank you Miho[/member] I have had minor experiences like this before, but it was much more intense this time. I really was not expecting it! I can usually tell when I need to stop reading for myself, cards get all like "huh?", but for other people, it's hard for me to discern what is a connected message or not, except, well, perhaps that feeling I had when I read I guess. It felt like I knew what the cards meant, but I couldn't articulate the message. I felt mute! There was also a feeling of apprehension about doing the reading, even though I really wanted to. Each time, I realize, I didn't pay attention to that feeling because I felt pressure to do some reading to learn and I still had requests in my inbox with questions, so I wanted to get to them. I take it, with experience, I will be able to perceive these cycles better. I will keep your words in mind when I start to get that feeling again. I truly appreciate your insight. I am looking forward to the shiny part! :))
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