Friendship ended over a tarot reading

[Mystic Tarot]

 

Hello, it's been weighing on me for years that I lost friends over a tarot reading and it makes me nervous to read for friends even now.  Before I do readings for anyone I always make a point of telling them that I am simply a conduit for information that I deliver and that I may say anything without a filter.  Sometimes I don't even recall everything I say in a reading.

 

During the reading it came up that the wife had cheated on her husband and when I said that to her she burst into tears.  It seems that he knew about it already and they had worked through it as a couple but when I brought it up again I caused her distress.  I was never invited back to their home and I was saddened that my unfiltered approach to tarot reading cost me a friendship. 

 

Do you think it's fair that upset my friend's wife?  Should I make some effort to censor my readings to save people's feelings?  Is reading for friends a bad idea?

 

I'd love some gentle guidance on this issue.

[katrinka]

If I see some kind of dire warning in the cards, I'll tell them, but for the most part I answer what they ask about.

If she'd asked about the relationship, her past conduct would be relevant. I might ask her if she ever stepped out on him - if she said "no", that would be a signal that she didn't want to go there. Then I'd just say the cards were alluding to "trust issues". Or I'd just call it "trust issues" to begin with. "There's a man you were connected with somehow and this upset him" makes it sound like for all I know, there was a platonic friend or a guy at work, and her husband was just being unreasonable. She doesn't have to know that I saw specifics. And that's me, and I'm known for being blunt AF, hardly a shiny example of tact and diplomacy. You have to be careful with this stuff. People don't like being exposed. They go to readers to expose other people, lol.

 

Sometimes we have to put our egos aside and pass up an opportunity to look like the Second Coming of Mlle. Lenormand. I'm not saying that's the reason you did this, just that when the cards dish the Big Dirt, there's a strong temptation to blurt it out.

 

But I do think she overreacted, in a big way. It certainly wasn't something to throw a friendship away for. Apparently the whole mess is still unresolved. She would be better served working on her marriage than blaming a friend with a Tarot deck.

[sandrang123]

This is tough. Personally, I never ask someone sitting with me to tell me what they want to know about at all, as I've learned from experience that the cards bring up what is most pressing, regardless. Score one for Spirit!

 

Maybe I am just a hardliner these days, but if someone requests a sitting, I channel what is given to me, because the person has asked to be there and so has, in the process, given me "permission" to access things. It's not my job to decide what is beneficial to hear or needed to hear in one moment--we consist of many moments. I've had a person tell me I was flat-out wrong with something she didn't want to hear, only to come back a few months later saying it was spot-on. My point is it gets into dicey territory, as the greatest spiritual help might be the most difficult to swallow and might not be heard or understood immediately. (Been there myself, done that...so no judgment.) I have only had one or two times when I've been communicated, "Don't say this." In which case, I have not. But...it happens rarely. And in that case, it's usually MY guides speaking to help me understand a person's situation.

 

Sorry to hear about your fallout.

[Ephemeridae]

First of all, if you are holding on to any guilt over this experience I would like to offer you this signed permission slip to let it go.

 

I think we all should exercise as much tact and sensitivity as we are able in all situations, not just tarot readings. But it is not humanly possible to have all the tact all the time. That person couldn't bear looking in a mirror in that moment, and you as the holder of that mirror are not responsible for her feelings or her reactions.

[EmpyreanKnight]

Before I start a reading, I would tell the querent that it is purely confidential, and whatever comes out of it will never escape the room barring extreme circumstances. I would also warn her that some of the things I unearth might disturb her, so if she wants an honest-to-goodness reading, I shall give it.

 

If she says that she only wants to hear some good news, then except if a truly horrible fate looms before her, I will fully comply. If she says to just go on and say what the cards intimate, I still have two options. If she and I were the only ones present in the room then I would proceed and say everything I see. If there's someone else, I'd be more circumspect of course.

 

If after all those precautions, the querent still took offense to my reading, well tough luck but it aint my fault no mo.

[Bodhiseed]

I am simply a conduit for information that I deliver and that I may say anything without a filter.  Sometimes I don't even recall everything I say in a reading.

You did at least try to warn her that she might not like what she was about to hear, so she can't say you blindsided her. But I would gently suggest you work on developing a filter; sometimes a drop of honesty is better than a tsunami-sized wave of it. Perhaps you can jot down notes as you do your reading instead of saying them out loud. Then you could pause and consider what would be helpful and what might be harmful.

[Trogon]

I will go along with the others in saying that it really isn't your fault that she couldn't handle looking at something which was clearly still an issue for her. It is unfortunate that she decided to misdirect her feelings against you.

 

As for filtering what you say, I would have to give an absolute "maybe". Almost all of the readings I've done for people, I will use the method Bodhiseed mentioned, of jotting down some notes. Even if you just write down which cards you pulled out, it gives you a little time to think over how to phrase the message you are delivering. Of course, the notes are also very useful if the person comes to you with questions about that reading, or they want a follow-up reading.

 

Now, having said that, I will add that I deliver messages differently to different people. And most of the deciding on how to deliver said message is brought to me by my Spirit Guides (or sometimes, their guides or other spirits around them). One person might need a kick in the butt, while the next might need a gentle approach. I will say that most of the readings I do, the messages are delivered in a matter-of-fact manner. I won't be judgmental, nor will I be maudlin, nor treat the matter lightly if it is something serious. If I see that they were contemplating suicide (for example), I will say so. I have found that most of the time it is better to get it out in the open instead of dancing around the issue. But that is me.

 

So, the thought occurs to me ... have you done a Tarot reading about this situation with your friend? On the other hand, and more pertinent to your question, have you thought about doing a Tarot reading about the way you do Tarot readings?

[Ace]

You can't be faulted for telling the truth. She was very uncomfortable that the truth was coming out that is all. Not your fault.

 

barb

[katrinka]

And while it does suck to lose a friend, maybe she wasn't the best kind of friend if she essentially scapegoated you for something she did?

 

Life has a way of weeding out people like that eventually. Cards or no cards.

[SilverWolfie]

A tough choice. Normally, I'd still say it how it is and let them decide what they want to do with the news. Tears are healing as well for that person. But if it was left unsaid by the cards themselves, Spirit may step in to help clarify the news as well, so, nothing gets missed by Spirit so I would let Spirit confirm it for the sitter should a Visitor from Spirit step in. If you don't have that ability to hear Spirit, then I'd just say trust your senses and intuition on it.

[gingerblue]

I'm so very sorry this happened to you.  :'( :'( :'( :'( I wonder if it wasn't personal but more of a "oh wow, she can actually see into things..." situation. Some people get really spooked by that. I knew someone who was desperate for me to talk to her about a hunch I had about a relative of hers (passed on), and then she shut down any communication with me because it spooked her so much. She wasn't a close friend, but it still stung. A lot of people have a lot of guilt around divination and being involved in it (especially when it's accurate) because religion has told a lot of people it's a portal to evil, and a lot of people get freaked out if they have an accurate reading that somehow they've opened their window to the unknown. The unknown scares most people because for most of our young life, we're taught to follow the "party line" and stay away from it.

 

I think a lot of it is about expectations- before you read for friends, you might say "what are you looking for out of a reading?" Some people REALLY don't realize that Tarot is not just divination, but it's actually VERY psychological and deep. The cards can be like a good therapist- they will excavate to the deepest truths. But people expect the "crystal ball" vague old-school fortune-teller-at-the-country-fair-with-the-head-scarf-and-giant-hoop-earrings readings. I remember I did a reading for a friend's roommate in college and it was pretty accurate, but when a person didn't expect her life in the capacity she wanted (I saw a person, the person came, it wasn't romantic) she really got on me about it for ages. I had no idea she was even taking it seriously, but she apparently really set her heart on it happening. The other day my daughter and I were looking at the Curious Oracle together and as we were looking at cards, some concerns that she had about something at school spilled out of her. The cards open people up, and some people just do *not* want to be opened.

 

So sorry this happened. Please don't stop sharing your gift- maybe just address expectations and your reading style before hand.

[gregory]

I can't help wondering if she didn't want you to know, now that they had "worked it out" ?  She may not have felt it was relevant to what she wanted to know. Was she alone with you ? Because she clearly knew what she had done, and may have felt she didn't need you to tell her ? But it seems very hard to end the friendship over it. My commiserations.

 

I don't read for friends - for exactly this sort of reason. It's a minefield.

[Padma]

And while it does suck to lose a friend, maybe she wasn't the best kind of friend if she essentially scapegoated you for something she did?

 

Life has a way of weeding out people like that eventually. Cards or no cards.

 

Yeah, I am going to go with this. If she was really a great friend, she wouldn't have cut you off for telling the truth.

 

Still, I do know that most people will "shoot the messenger" when they hear something bad, even if all the messenger did was tell them the news...that's human nature for you.

 

If you ask me, you are better off without her.

 

I will only read for friends if I can do it over email with them...gives me time to think things through, and package the info in a way they can swallow. I won't do it face to face for them. But if I do, I will ask them first: how much do you really want to know? And then I will tell them what I see.