Taking back my power

[Albadawn]

Hope I'm posting this in the correct forum - apologies mods if I'm in the wrong place  :-[

 

There's been a pattern in my life where I get very attracted and attached to people with whom I form unhealthy friendships. This started in the earliest friendship I can remember, and I just ended yet another one in December 2017. These "friendships" often occur alongside genuine ones and, at times, overshadow them, as I become somewhat "enchanted" by these persons and will do everything in my power to please them and make them happy.

 

I am extremely weary of this pattern and I'm seeking to put an end to it this year. While I am familiar with cutting cords with people, and have done this in the past successfully, my real priority I have realized is to stop this from happening again in the future. I really need to learn how to stop giving my power to others and allowing them to use it to control me. My sacral and root chakras have always been weak and although I can strengthen them temporarily it seems to continually fade back to wishy-washy.

 

Does anyone have any advice or experience on how I can achieve this goal? I have a fairly decent armory of crystals, herbs and essential oils, and tend towards using mainly Fire and Water in my rituals/spellwork, if that information is helpful.

 

I am just so tired of feeling weak and drained. How do I take my power back, and keep it?

[Flaxen]

I hope you don't mind me sharing some ideas from a shamanic perspective as it's how I would approach this issue for myself. Obviously, take ideas from it but adapt for your own practice as you see fit.

 

This feeling of having lost your powere or not feeling 'whole' can be a symptom of soul loss. Sometimes something happens in our life which causes a trauma and a part of ourself struggles to cope. This part then detaches so that it doesn't have to feel the full force of the experience and seeks a sanctuary. In your situation, I would journey with my guides with the intention of finding the part of my soul/psyche which has detached and causes me to feel less complete or powerless. I would speak to it to find out why it left, explain how things are safe and that it can return with me. I will also perform a suitable ritual with an agreed offering to show my sincerity.

 

Usually, the missing part shows itself to me as a child - possibly because we struggle to deal with the harshness of life as children- so I often have to explain things in a simple way a child can understand.

 

Sometimes a part of myself has been left with an ancestor or significant authority figure reflecting where I gave my power away initially.

 

I hope this makes sense - feel free to ask any questions.

[Albadawn]

Hi flaxen, thank you so much for taking the time to respond to me with this.

 

I don't know anything much about shamanic practices unfortunately, but what you're saying makes a LOT of sense. I was born by emergency caesarian, my parents abruptly divorced when I was 7 (they were both very young and didn't handle it well), and I had to change schools during my teens due to violent bullying... so I have had a few childhood experiences which were pretty unsettling and made me feel frightened and want to go into hiding. It makes absolute sense that a part of me has stayed hidden and I would love to be able to go and find it and bring it back!

 

As someone who doesn't know the first thing about shamanism, do you have any suggestions how I can go about this? I'm not super comfortable with the idea of astral travel, I have a fear that I'll get stuck and not be able to get back to my body (which may be telling? I don't know).

 

Thanks so much for taking an interest, it's greatly appreciated.

[Starlight]

I really need to learn how to stop giving my power to others and allowing them to use it to control me. My sacral and root chakras have always been weak and although I can strengthen them temporarily it seems to continually fade back to wishy-washy.

 

Does anyone have any advice or experience on how I can achieve this goal? I have a fairly decent armory of crystals, herbs and essential oils, and tend towards using mainly Fire and Water in my rituals/spellwork, if that information is helpful.

 

I am just so tired of feeling weak and drained. How do I take my power back, and keep it?

 

The suggestion I'm going to share is a technique called Focusing. I find it helpful personally because it allows me to access something stored in my body that is either causing me to behave in a certain way that I no longer want to do, or is stopping me from behaving in a way I want to.

 

In this particular case, the process would unfold something like this:

 

"I want to stop being a people-pleaser and stop giving my power away (or however you want to phrase it) but I still fall back into that pattern."

 

Then you rephrase it to become:

 

"I want to [a positive phrase e.g. I want to remain centred in my own authority and integrity] but something in me does not."

 

Then you want to connect with your body to see where that something in you can be felt in your body. "I'd like to feel the part of me that doesn't [want to stand in its own autonomy (or however you feel it should be worded)."

 

This is where you just have to focus on your body calmly and quietly and let it show you where the resistant part of you is. It can be very subtle. An itchy nose. Your scalp. Or it can be stronger - perhaps in your solar plexus or another part of your torso. The work, though, is to be aware enough to feel it when it shows up, and it might take a session or two of doing the exercise.

 

Once you do experience the felt-sense, you can then 'talk' to it: "I hear you; you've been trying to help me." This is important because the underlying belief in Focusing is that all parts of us (even the ones resisting what we'd like to accomplish) are trying to protect us and keep us safe. That is all they've been trying to do.

 

Once you've 'met' the part of you that is resisting holding on to its integrity/autonomy, it's important to establish a sense of trust and let that part of you speak freely to you without judgement or criticism on your part. It's about opening the dialogue and waiting with a sense of curiosity and interest to what that part of you has to say. It might not change quickly, but you'll know each session is ended when you can feel a shift in your body. Even a slight, subtle difference. The more you work with your goal and engage with whatever part of you shows up, the easier it will become to move towards your goal.

 

Ann Weiser-Cornell wrote a book on Focusing which is well-worth reading if you can find it in a library or want to order it to keep on your bookshelf. The process I've shared above comes from a couple of YouTube videos where she speaks about writer's block and how she just wanted to write but couldn't, and how she overcame it: Part 1 -

and Part 2 is here -

 

I hope this is helpful.

 

[Albadawn]

Hello Starlight,

 

Thank you so much for taking an interest in this. The exercises you've described sound helpful, it would be really good to establish exactly where this issue is coming from, especially since it's been lifelong. I will have some free time at the beginning of next week so I am going to give this a try and see how I get on with it. I'll report back once I have.

 

It's interesting how common an issue this seems to be, actually. I was doing some googling around cord-cutting and the number of comments is startling. I feel a lot less of a fool for experiencing this now, and I'm looking forward to healing.

 

Thanks again :)

Dawn

[Flaxen]

As someone who doesn't know the first thing about shamanism, do you have any suggestions how I can go about this? I'm not super comfortable with the idea of astral travel, I have a fear that I'll get stuck and not be able to get back to my body (which may be telling? I don't know).

 

Thanks so much for taking an interest, it's greatly appreciated.

 

Probably best not to try a shamanic journey without support if you've never done one especially if you are uncomfortable with the idea. Do you have deck which is quite child-like or whimsical? Something like the Inner Child cards or even a fairytale one?

 

If you have, you could interview the part of you that has temporarily left. Perhaps questions like 'What part of me is missing? What made you leave? How can I make you feel safe?'

 

Then you can design a little ritual to invite it back - if you are arty, a clay representation can work well or a designated object to carry around for a while until you feel integrated.

 

You could post your reading here and we could put our collective brains together to help you.

[Albadawn]

As someone who doesn't know the first thing about shamanism, do you have any suggestions how I can go about this? I'm not super comfortable with the idea of astral travel, I have a fear that I'll get stuck and not be able to get back to my body (which may be telling? I don't know).

 

Thanks so much for taking an interest, it's greatly appreciated.

 

Probably best not to try a shamanic journey without support if you've never done one especially if you are uncomfortable with the idea. Do you have deck which is quite child-like or whimsical? Something like the Inner Child cards or even a fairytale one?

 

If you have, you could interview the part of you that has temporarily left. Perhaps questions like 'What part of me is missing? What made you leave? How can I make you feel safe?'

 

Then you can design a little ritual to invite it back - if you are arty, a clay representation can work well or a designated object to carry around for a while until you feel integrated.

 

You could post your reading here and we could put our collective brains together to help you.

 

Hmmm, the Pagan Cats deck springs to mind, but I also have the Sun and Moon tarot, which feels a lot more appropriate to the purpose. I've been experimenting with interview style readings the last few days and I like the format, so this seems like a really good idea. I'll give it a go early next week and post the results in this thread. Thanks again for taking an interest, I'm very grateful.

[Albadawn]

It's gone 3AM and I just woke up from an intense dream about arguing with someone. I don't recall with whom but I know it isn't someone I recognised on waking. I woke up with my arms crossed defensively across my chest, super tight. I've had to get out of bed to rub something into my shoulders so I can get back to sleep, they are really sore now.

 

The night before, I had a dream I got fired and was arguing my case with my boss because he was in the wrong, saying I would take him to a tribunal. I haven't been in this job long so I don't really have a strong enough attachment for this to make sense.

 

I have no idea if these dreams are relevant but it's weird how they suddenly started after I realised I wanted my power back - my dreams are rarely this vivid or even memorable.

[Albadawn]

Flaxen[/member], Starlight[/member] - I tried out the techniques you each described yesterday & last night. I'll start with the interview I did with the part of myself I feel is missing. I used the Sun & Moon Tarot for this, it's very whimsical and the cards bear almost no resemblance to an RWS deck, which influences my interpretations a lot as I do use imagery to help my intuition along. The answers came through to me in the first person. Every card has a title, too, which I've included in brackets.

 

Q1. Hello, please can you introduce yourself?

King of Swords. I am the ruler of your dreamtime, the part of you that will fight for what you truly believe in, the wisdom of your subconscious mind.

 

Q2. Thank you. You are a part of me. Did you know that?

Two of Cups (love). Yes. I wish I could live in harmony with you, but I'm buried deep under the moon, and suffocated with your inner fear. You do not trust me and so I do not trust you. But while buried deep within you, I am still here, albeit resentfully.

 

Q3. I've been finding it hard to reach you lately. Can you tell/show me why that is?

Eight of Pentacles (prudence). You've been focused entirely on other things, on manufacturing yourself into whatever you believe others would like. You've worked so hard towards this, for the last 8 years you have changed almost every year, always working towards this "product" you're selling. you've been entirely focused on the material, including people who lack real significance in your life. You aren't true to yourself and thus are not true to me.

 

Q4. Can you show me what led to this situation?

The Hierophant. Structured religion and dogmatic people actually took away your faith, in fairies and wishes and magic. Your strict parents made you feel judged and instilled your desire to please. Your desire to please your partner also comes from a place of needing reassurance and to confirm your security.

 

Q5. How do you feel?

Ten of Swords (ruin) Rx. *This is odd, because I don't use reversals.* A breakthrough is happening in this conversation. I appreciate you paying attention to me.

 

Q6. I feel lost here - I've been aware of these issues. What am I missing?

Princess of Cups. Your ability to heal. You only need to go deeper, the answers lie there.

 

Q7. How do I go deeper?

Seven of Pentacles (failure). Examine your past experiences. When did your facades ever get you in with the right people? ("Right" here referred to people who are good for me.) You've been laying your own traps for yourself; by failing to appreciate what you are, you block your own access to it, and keep yourself mundane.

 

Q8. What do you think I'm afraid of? Why do you think I'm blocking working with you?

Ten of Cups (satiety). You indulge in other things, you fear losing what you already have and it takes you out of your comfort zone.

 

Q9. How do I conquer these fears?

Seven of Wands (valor). Engage with them, engage with these energies. Acknowledge them and learn to see them for what they truly are. Master them.

 

Q10. Where will I find the courage to do this work?

The Emperor. Notice the honeybees in this card. (I am learning to keep bees, making this significant.) A hive seems chaotic to the outsider, yet it is perfectly organised and structured. Recognize your true nature as the Queen Bee of your hive. The bees are your thoughts, what they do will determine your kingdom, so rule them well.

 

Q11. Is there anything else you want me to know?

King of Cups. Seek comfort where you need it, to restore your courage and bathe your mind. But never forget you are the authority in your own mind, which is a place in which the opinions and thoughts of others should hold no sway. Heal yourself.

 

Q12. Are you willing to come back with me and integrate at this time, provided I do the work to make it so?

Six of Pentacles (success). It will take sustained effort, but yes, I will gladly return once you have prepared the way. Perform spells until it happens!

 

The Quint card was Temperance.

[Albadawn]

When I tried Focusing, I picked up a great deal of tension in my chest, around my heart area. I also felt discomfort between the upper points of my shoulder blades, as if there's claws or something stuck in there. I don't know how else to describe it. I was able to breathe into the tension and help it release, but when I woke up this morning it seems almost worse today than it did last night. My chest feels almost clenched, like a fist. It's super uncomfortable.

 

Usually when I check in on my chakras (I use online tests for this), my heart chakra comes up as being open, but it really doesn't feel like it. It feels like a one-way valve, so I can give energy from it, but find it difficult to let energy in and flow through freely.

 

I also had a couple more dreams last night which I feel are relevant, I will post those if anybody wants to read them.

[Saturn Celeste]

 

I also had a couple more dreams last night which I feel are relevant, I will post those if anybody wants to read them.

I will look at your dreams!

[Albadawn]

 

I also had a couple more dreams last night which I feel are relevant, I will post those if anybody wants to read them.

I will look at your dreams!

 

Thank you so much, SaturnCeleste[/member] ! Here's what happened:

 

Dream 1

I was in a garden outside a school. The school had very old-fashioned windows, the kind with a metal frame around a single pane and open on a single hinge at the centre. The panes were built into the roof, at an angle, as well as all the way down the walls, a lot like my partner's living room only the angle was much steeper. There was a tree in the garden, I was standing on grass, and I was aware there was a pond nearby, about the size of the one at a park I spent a lot of time in when I was growing up. I was carrying books and wore a rucksack. I think it represented the highschool I went to. There was no one else nearby but I don't think the school was meant to be empty. I don't recall anything happening, I just stood still and looked around me.

 

Dream 2

I was at the pond at the same park mentioned above. Grandad (who has passed on) was swimming in it, he came up to me and got out. He was so healthy and young and radiant and jolly. He gave me one of his big squeezes like he used to and said "Hello my lovely!" Just like always. We went back to mum and dads and then it was like Christmas except it wasn't. Nan was clearing out her cupboards and had brought loads of things over to ask what we thought should be done with them. I recall old childhood toys, two wooden chairs (that I said I wanted), bits and pieces of bric-a-brac, very random stuff. I think her crystal mouse was amongst it.

 

The dream cut to me needing to leave and see my father but I couldn't find my car. Mum huffed and said it was "typical". My brother seemed annoyed too. There were boys in school uniform passing by and I recognised them as my male friends so I asked GA, AB, RAK (all work colleagues) and RL (from my childhood, don't know him any more) if they'd seen my car and I also asked Ross if he had my keys. The answer was unanimously no.

 

Eventually I found it and drove it with too many of us in it (I recall now I'm awake that my father used to do this and strapped me together with one of my stepbrothers into one seat), to what I think was the beach or maybe a fair ground. I don't remember much after that except red tassels and yellow lights.

 

I don't know what the red tassels mean but it felt super important to remember I'd seen them. They were at the end of a twisted red cord and were bound in gold thread. They were soft when I touched them.

 

---

 

The dream I had about arguing with someone has really stuck with me, too. I told my partner about it and he said "Well, obviously, the other person was yourself," and then kind of moved the conversation on.

 

Thanks so much for taking the time to consider these for me!  :-[ I'm very grateful!

[Star83]

I think you are doing a great job. You will always come across ppl like that who take more than give. As soon as you see the signs, start testing them and make them work for you. If there's to much tension with something as simple as that, get rid of them, ignore and move on. Don't feel bad about yourself thinking you're weak. Just see it as life that involves these kinds of ppl on earth and you need to sidestep them just like other ppl.

[Flaxen]

When I tried Focusing, I picked up a great deal of tension in my chest, around my heart area. I also felt discomfort between the upper points of my shoulder blades, as if there's claws or something stuck in there. I don't know how else to describe it. I was able to breathe into the tension and help it release, but when I woke up this morning it seems almost worse today than it did last night. My chest feels almost clenched, like a fist. It's super uncomfortable.

 

Usually when I check in on my chakras (I use online tests for this), my heart chakra comes up as being open, but it really doesn't feel like it. It feels like a one-way valve, so I can give energy from it, but find it difficult to let energy in and flow through freely.

 

This makes me wish you were close to me so I could give you healing! Are you comfortable with visualisation? I visualise my heart space as a garden - I open the door to my heart chakra and step through. The state of my garden gives me a clue as to what needs tending. It might be worth you spending time in meditation in this space for a while. Even 5 mins or so at a time will be helpful. Interesting that the dream of the school featured a garden. The school could represent the dogma which has encroached on your heart. It is empty because it has no real roots - the teachers and companions you seek can't be found there.

 

The interview was very comprehensive and gave you concrete answers which is positive. A candle ritual would work beautifully for help with this. :) I wonder if the tassels were a hint of a cord you could decorate your candle with?

[Albadawn]

I think you are doing a great job. You will always come across ppl like that who take more than give. As soon as you see the signs, start testing them and make them work for you. If there's to much tension with something as simple as that, get rid of them, ignore and move on. Don't feel bad about yourself thinking you're weak. Just see it as life that involves these kinds of ppl on earth and you need to sidestep them just like other ppl.

 

:-[ Thank you so much for your kind words - I often don't feel I'm doing a very good job and this kind of encouragement is both needed and welcome at the moment. Thank you. <3

[Albadawn]

When I tried Focusing, I picked up a great deal of tension in my chest, around my heart area. I also felt discomfort between the upper points of my shoulder blades, as if there's claws or something stuck in there. I don't know how else to describe it. I was able to breathe into the tension and help it release, but when I woke up this morning it seems almost worse today than it did last night. My chest feels almost clenched, like a fist. It's super uncomfortable.

 

Usually when I check in on my chakras (I use online tests for this), my heart chakra comes up as being open, but it really doesn't feel like it. It feels like a one-way valve, so I can give energy from it, but find it difficult to let energy in and flow through freely.

 

This makes me wish you were close to me so I could give you healing! Are you comfortable with visualisation? I visualise my heart space as a garden - I open the door to my heart chakra and step through. The state of my garden gives me a clue as to what needs tending. It might be worth you spending time in meditation in this space for a while. Even 5 mins or so at a time will be helpful. Interesting that the dream of the school featured a garden. The school could represent the dogma which has encroached on your heart. It is empty because it has no real roots - the teachers and companions you seek can't be found there.

 

The interview was very comprehensive and gave you concrete answers which is positive. A candle ritual would work beautifully for help with this. :) I wonder if the tassels were a hint of a cord you could decorate your candle with?

 

I am super comfortable with visualisation - in fact it's the only way I'm able to meditate, I need something to engage with or my mind wanders ;D

 

It's very interesting you mention gardens because I'd say about 80% of my meditations involve them. I have a special one I used to visit daily, but have been quite sporadic with over the last few years. I think I've been afraid to go back, the last time I did it was quite difficult. The garden had changed to an autumn/winter scene and felt very bereft. I hadn't made the connection with my heart chakra before but it definitely makes sense in light of what you've said.

 

I spent a good while on my heart chakra earlier while I was meditating and I have a piece of green fluorite shot with purple over it now in one of those cage-style necklaces. I do feel a bit more balanced now, like I have some resources to deal with this issue. I'm going to be brave and visit my garden again.

 

Thank you so much for your kindness - I wish I was nearby too! But, your words in themselves are very healing, and are much appreciated. <3

[Starlight]

When I tried Focusing, I picked up a great deal of tension in my chest, around my heart area. I also felt discomfort between the upper points of my shoulder blades, as if there's claws or something stuck in there. I don't know how else to describe it. I was able to breathe into the tension and help it release, but when I woke up this morning it seems almost worse today than it did last night. My chest feels almost clenched, like a fist. It's super uncomfortable.

 

Usually when I check in on my chakras (I use online tests for this), my heart chakra comes up as being open, but it really doesn't feel like it. It feels like a one-way valve, so I can give energy from it, but find it difficult to let energy in and flow through freely.

 

I also had a couple more dreams last night which I feel are relevant, I will post those if anybody wants to read them.

 

Hi Albadawn! It sounds like you had wonderful first Focusing session. And the first thing I thought of when you mentioned how sore you felt the next morning is that there is a part of you that REALLY REALLY wants you to continue dialoguing with it. Which is very positive.

 

As uncomfortable as it is, sitting with that discomfort in your heart chakra and feeling it (because we usually try to suppress or ignore pain) and talking to it until something shifts is beneficial.

 

"I feel this discomfort and I am say hello to it. I am sitting with it in interested curiosity. What is the emotion connected to this pain? What does it want to say to me? What does it need from me?"

 

These are good questions to get the ball rolling, and how you know when you've come to a good place to stop the session is when something shifts while you're dialoguing. But the point of the exercise is simply to listen and ask questions, not to change anything. The change will happen by itself. If you go into the exercise with the intention of changing something or making the pain go away or healing it, it's another form of ignoring that part of you, and trying to over-rule it and subjugate it. Perhaps this could be why the pain came back so strong the second time? Just a thought... Let that part of you tell you what it needs. Don't try to give it what you think it needs. :)

 

And should anything come up that you find hard to deal with, or need help with, then it may be time to work with a professional.

 

But between your reading and the Focusing it sounds like you're making shifts with this issue! Yay!! :)

[Albadawn]

When I tried Focusing, I picked up a great deal of tension in my chest, around my heart area. I also felt discomfort between the upper points of my shoulder blades, as if there's claws or something stuck in there. I don't know how else to describe it. I was able to breathe into the tension and help it release, but when I woke up this morning it seems almost worse today than it did last night. My chest feels almost clenched, like a fist. It's super uncomfortable.

 

Usually when I check in on my chakras (I use online tests for this), my heart chakra comes up as being open, but it really doesn't feel like it. It feels like a one-way valve, so I can give energy from it, but find it difficult to let energy in and flow through freely.

 

I also had a couple more dreams last night which I feel are relevant, I will post those if anybody wants to read them.

 

Hi Albadawn! It sounds like you had wonderful first Focusing session. And the first thing I thought of when you mentioned how sore you felt the next morning is that there is a part of you that REALLY REALLY wants you to continue dialoguing with it. Which is very positive.

 

As uncomfortable as it is, sitting with that discomfort in your heart chakra and feeling it (because we usually try to suppress or ignore pain) and talking to it until something shifts is beneficial.

 

"I feel this discomfort and I am say hello to it. I am sitting with it in interested curiosity. What is the emotion connected to this pain? What does it want to say to me? What does it need from me?"

 

These are good questions to get the ball rolling, and how you know when you've come to a good place to stop the session is when something shifts while you're dialoguing. But the point of the exercise is simply to listen and ask questions, not to change anything. The change will happen by itself. If you go into the exercise with the intention of changing something or making the pain go away or healing it, it's another form of ignoring that part of you, and trying to over-rule it and subjugate it. Perhaps this could be why the pain came back so strong the second time? Just a thought... Let that part of you tell you what it needs. Don't try to give it what you think it needs. :)

 

And should anything come up that you find hard to deal with, or need help with, then it may be time to work with a professional.

 

But between your reading and the Focusing it sounds like you're making shifts with this issue! Yay!! :)

 

Thank you for sharing your insight here - I am definitely the type to want it fixed, and fixed now (if not yesterday). I did feel a bit frustrated when I woke up and the feeling was more intense, but I'm trying to let it be. I will definitely follow your suggestion and keep trying to really listen to it, and only listen. Sometimes I get this feeling like I'm suffocating, it doesn't happen often but it's been returning again recently. There's definitely something in there that has to come out before I'm going to move forward with this.

[Albadawn]

Okay, so...  I have another update. Been trying to sit with my feelings, then take a break, sit with my feelings, take a break. It's been getting progressively intense so I decided to probably stop for the day, but then I was suddenly really sick out of nowhere. I didn't even feel that nauseous beforehand and I feel totally fine now. I asked my Morgan Greer deck why I was sick and drew The Moon, and the Page of Wands was stuck behind it. It's very yellow in this deck and made me think of the solar plexus chakra. I also recall a conversation I had with hubby a few days ago, where I told him I might look like I'm good at controlling my feelings but really I just swallow them. He said I should "stop sucking it up and let it wash off you instead".

 

I kind of feel like something has shifted suddenly. I don't mean cured, but the task at hand doesn't seem as overwhelming as it did before. When I wrote my first post I was feeling helpless and like I couldn't fix it because I didn't have it in me, and I don't feel like that now. I feel stronger and more determined.

 

Thank you again everyone who is helping me heal this area. It truly does mean a lot to me. <3

[Albadawn]

Something has dawned on me.

 

The people I give away power to, all have one thing in common: they are all convinced of their own correctness, and are quick to persuade others that they are right. This domineering trait happens to be a common trait with one of my parents, from whom I was estranged for several years as a teenager because they weren't emotionally available and I felt rejected by them.

 

I am effectively reliving this story with these new people, subconsciously asking them to be caregivers to me and then being devastated when they ultimately don't. I try to please them to win their affection, but people aren't piggybanks - you don't get to put something into them and expect to get it back later. They get to choose what they do with what you give them.

 

I feel kind of sad for my inner self that this is what I've been doing all these years, but I feel a lot lighter for having realised it.

 

How to heal it is another question - but I feel like the biggest question, why do I keep doing this, has been answered.

 

Thank you all for your help, I would have taken a lifetime to realise this otherwise.

[Flaxen]

That is a great insight, Albadawn. Now you're aware of it, it will be easier to spot when you slip into that pattern.

 

Be patient with yourself, those old patterns take repeated attempts to heal - especially if they carry a strong emotional charge. I've been chipping away at some stuff for years. :)

 

 

[Albadawn]

Thanks Flaxen. I think it's definitely going to take a long time, perhaps a lifetime to overcome this trait in myself. It feels very deeply rooted, but at least now I understand it I won't keep beating myself up about it, and I have an advantage now in that I know what kind of person I should be careful around.

[CharlotteK]

Thanks for sharing your story. I so admire your courage in tackling this and in sharing it.

 

Sent from my SM-G935F using Tapatalk

 

 

[katrinka]

There is one book, an old 90's book - you probably have it already, and if you do, take it off the shelf and work through it, if not, get it.

https://smile.amazon.com/Women-Who-Run-Wolves-Archetype/dp/0345409876

 

And one other book - and I'm not a fan of Dyer's later stuff at all, but this one is vital https://smile.amazon.com/Pulling-Your-Own-Strings-Techniques/dp/0060919752/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1516139540&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=pu%3B%3Bing+your+own+strings

 

Both of those. The first for the instinct to see it coming, the second for dealing with it if it's started already.

 

Carry yourself at your full height, look people in the eye, and never, ever come off as submissive.

 

Good luck.

[Star83]

This thread sounds so much like something I would post.