Having A Querant That is Being Stalked

[RickInBakersfield]

This past weekend I had a young woman email me to my personal email her story of being stalked & harassed. She requested a tarot reading on the matter and I did one for her.

 

Has this reading situation of having a sitter that is being stalked or in danger ever happened to you?

How did you frame the reading?

What kind of advice did you give the querant? 

Have you ever turned down someone in trouble like this?

What made you take on a sitter's request like this in the first place?

 

As I was told by the moderators of this site, I can't give out more details to my reading because the reading I did wasn't on the TT&M website. Looking forward to reading your comments. I don't think I'll be able to answer your questions in regard to the email reading that I sent her.

 

Thanks in advance.

 

Rick

 

 

[JoyousGirl]

Hi Rick

33 minutes ago, RickInBakersfield said:

Has this reading situation of having a sitter that is being stalked or in danger ever happened to you?

 

No.  But as readers, people in need of serious help will come to us because their brains are scrambled by stress and trauma.  Thus, reading is a big responsibility, and not to be taken lightly. 

 

Ideally the querent won't tell you what's going on, but you will tell them. Naturally, you'll need to ask a question because you need to confirm what you're 'seeing'.

• Learning a little about psychology / counselling - is a good idea. 
• Sign up to a psychology newsletter to learn about different peoples' experiences and how they were dealt with.  

For advice to give the querent, I would suggest they get evidence of some sort and go to the police. There was actually an article in the Guardian on this only yesterday or the day before.

 

 

 

[Chariot]

That's a scary situation, and one—as a tarot reader—I would not touch with a barge pole.  The chances of your interpretation of a spread being wrong, or being taken wrong by your client, aren't worth the gamble, really ...no matter how adept you might be AS a reader.  I think you should categorically refuse to do a reading on this topic. Urge her to go to the police.  What you might do to be helpful is check on the situation regarding local police procedures, and find out what it is the police will need to know. Then tell her yourself, and/or direct her to their website.  

The only exception to this would be IF she has already been to the police and got nowhere with them.  Then  you might want to explore ways—via the tarot, or your own common sense—to move the situation along.  Maybe with a view to either going back to the police with more information, or contacting other organisations (like women's refuges, etc) for advice and help.

Edited October 17, 2024 by Chariot

[Raggydoll]

I can only ever remember one time where I have turned down a querent due to their situation. It was many years ago. They were going through some intense family drama with very serious accusations - to the point where the police were involved. The reason why I turned them down is that I got a strong feeling that they were lying and that they were not the innocent party that they claimed to be. And I feared that they were going to use the reading as a way to find further ammunition and learn more ways to harm the other person. I believe I told them that I was too busy and couldn’t fit in at reading in the near-ish future, and they accepted that.
 

On other occasions, it has happened that the reading itself has brought up serious topics. So it’s typically not something they mention at the onset. For instance, readings might reveal severe mental suffering, ptsd from childhood abuse, suicidal ideations or self harm, etc. When that happens, I make sure to take it seriously and strongly urge them to seek professional help. 
 

I don’t think I’d turn someone down because they felt they were in danger, but I’d be very clear with my limitations (what I’m not qualified to help them with). And if it is something where the police needs to be involved, I would urge them to make that a priority over getting a reading. Stalking is such a frightening thing, it should never be taken lightly. 

[Chariot]

27 minutes ago, Raggydoll said:

I can only ever remember one time where I have turned down a querent due to their situation. It was many years ago. They were going through some intense family drama with very serious accusations - to the point where the police were involved. The reason why I turned them down is that I got a strong feeling that they were lying and that they were not the innocent party that they claimed to be. And I feared that they were going to use the reading as a way to find further ammunition and learn more ways to harm the other person. I believe I told them that I was too busy and couldn’t fit in at reading in the near-ish future, and they accepted that.
 

In every tarot 'how to' book I've read—including the one I'm reading for the first time now (Will You Give Me A Reading, by Jenna Matlin)—we're told we are NOT obliged to give a reading if we feel uncomfortable about any aspect of it.  If we don't want to read on that question, or for that particular client, or in that environment, we should just say no.  How to justify your 'no,' or whether you want to justify it at all, is up to you, the reader.   I reckon you followed your instincts here and did the right thing, @Raggydoll.   Very muddy waters indeed.

[Ferrea]

4 hours ago, JoyousGirl said:

..., I would suggest they get evidence ...

 

This is a very important point and easily overlooked by victims.

 

Depending on severity (threats, violence, or mainly online, observing, unwanted presence), going to the police may lead nowhere.

Getting a lawyer is often the most effective way (when there is evidence). As a victim, you may get the money back because the offender has to pay for the proceedings when proven guilty. This certainly depends on local laws.

 

Having a list handy as a professional reader with contacts that are better equipped for such cases would be my advice for you.

 

Are you allowed to share what her question was? This makes quite a difference in evaluating the possible benefits or dangers of a tarot reading.

 

[gregory]

I think I would not read for someone in this situation on the situation itself - in that I only have their side of the story and as Raggydoll says, we don't know if they are telling the truth. Yes we have perhaps better intuition than many of the general public, but still. Even if they are - having that information from the querent, true or not, would inevitably colour my feelings going in - and more, if I felt they were lying, that might colour my reading. If it came up in a reading and hadn't been mentioned by the querent, that would be different. I might offer a reading on "what do I need to know about possible red flags in my life"  or something - but...

[fire cat pickles]

5 hours ago, Chariot said:

That's a scary situation, and one—as a tarot reader—I would not touch with a barge pole.

 I agree with this. Coming up with a reason like "this is a legal matter" may work. Familiarize yourself with first-response organizations. We have Safe Haven for battered women, for example (not gender exclusive by the way), an outreach sponsored by many of the churches in our area. Law enforcement isn't always responsive in situations like this. As readers we may need to familiarize ourselves with with the resources in our areas like these in case we are faced with these situations. First response organizations (like Safe Haven, here) serve as a go-between in these types of situations. It often "forces the hand" of authorities in dire situations when there is an actual emergency. Telling someone to go to law enforcement may not be an option to those who don't trust law enforcement and in those areas where law enforcement is prejudiced against certain populations.

[RickInBakersfield]

According to the querant this dude has been in prison before for making "terrorist threats" and now he is back on the streets. She has him blocked but he can still leave VMs.

 

I felt this woman's frustration and pain...and that's the reason I did the reading for her.

 

 

[joy]

Hello Everybody, thank you all for providing such great advice. As a member of staff, I would just like to clarify something. This reading, and its question, can not be posted due to various reasons. As it was already pointed out, we only know one side. What if the accusations are wrong? As a forum, that could cause us into great trouble. Plus, the querent is not a member and the reading is third party. Therefore, this discussion needs to be on a very general surface.
Thank you all for your help and understanding.

[joy]

1 hour ago, RickInBakersfield said:

According to the querant this dude has been in prison before for making "terrorist threats" and now he is back on the streets. She has him blocked but he can still leave VMs.

 

I felt this woman's frustration and pain...and that's the reason I did the reading for her.

 

 

 

Then it is even more important to get help, and I mean other help than a card reading.

[EMarieHasADHD]

No but I would definitely refer them to resources such as a crisis hotline to have a professional to talk to, professional therapy if long term support may be needed, and advise them to contact their local police department.