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Halcyon

Recovering From Narc Abuse-what Cards Resonate?

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I am working with Face Up spreads as described by Mary Greer to work on recovering from a long relationship with a covert narcissist. I am re-learning how to trust myself and set strong boundaries. I am exploring my own inner peace and strength. What cards would you say embody these qualities of strength, inner peace, and self love? 

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9 minutes ago, Halcyon said:

I am working with Face Up spreads as described by Mary Greer to work on recovering from a long relationship with a covert narcissist. I am re-learning how to trust myself and set strong boundaries. I am exploring my own inner peace and strength. What cards would you say embody these qualities of strength, inner peace, and self love? 

Dear Halcyon,

 

Congratulations on getting out of that!! And with the cards, I nearly said ”All of them!”

 

One of the challenges is just about finding your own thoughts, ideas, feelings etc. again. I’m sure you know that! 

 

So, just sitting with the cards, and any introspection you can do, and whatever comes up to deal with; without that person meddling and tampering with your mind, is a step away from that person, and more into finding your own ground and self again.

 

Honestly, those people are like spiders creeping up inside, web is everywhere and it can take a long time to untangle yourself. Emotionally as well.

 

Give yourself time, talk about it, find support here and off-line, compliment yourself for getting out — acknowledge that that’s A BIG MOVE — and you’re already strong and wise for moving away!!

 

And don’t give up.

 

You’ll get there, and you’ll have your life again!!

 

It can take a while, but you will, and that person will have zero significance anymore. 

 

:animated-smileys-hug-002:

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It'll be the shadow-side of the cards first.  You have to understand why you attracted him & fell for him, why you didn't see through him earlier, & what role he played in your life.  It's a painful process, but necessary, otherwise it'll just happen again.   

 

The Devil is the obvious card, and maybe The Emperor if you had a difficult relationship with your father.  Perhaps not so obvious is the 6 of Pentacles & the mutual dependence of the abuser & the abused ... and you have to address the balance within yourself.   On a more Jungian level is the dark-side of 2 of Cups ... they are looking in each others eyes: they see nothing else but soulmates, the love of their lives, they see a reflection of themselves (the two look alike in the card) but one is the devil disguised & the other still doesn't see this.   This again is more about yourself, and recognising the 'sheep in wolf's clothing' before you fall for the same person again.

 

Everyone says they won't fall for the same type again, but they always do because they attract each other like magnate unless they understand the reasons why.  Luckily tarot is the perfect tool for this kind of self-work, deep introspection & healing.

 

When you've done the shadow-side, Ace of Cups & Temperance are the perfect tonic.  Good luck.

 

Just read it back & I didn't mean to sound so harsh....I grew up in a family & a town knee-deep in dysfunctional relationships, hence the cynicism.  However, I do stand by the above.  But yes, congratulations for the getting out!!

 

 

Edited by Cookie
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59 minutes ago, Halcyon said:

I am working with Face Up spreads as described by Mary Greer to work on recovering from a long relationship with a covert narcissist. I am re-learning how to trust myself and set strong boundaries. I am exploring my own inner peace and strength. What cards would you say embody these qualities of strength, inner peace, and self love? 

There are many cards that hold nourishing energies but the one I would really want to include would be the World. To me, no other card gives you that same energy. Looking at it, I feel that it depicts someone that is whole; fully in charge and heightened to a new level. This person is now able to celebrate themselves and their life, and their nudity is not a sign of vulnerability but of the strength that comes from knowing ones true identity. This is a very spiritual and empowering card, in my opinion. 

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1 hour ago, Halcyon said:

I am working with Face Up spreads as described by Mary Greer to work on recovering from a long relationship with a covert narcissist. I am re-learning how to trust myself and set strong boundaries. I am exploring my own inner peace and strength. What cards would you say embody these qualities of strength, inner peace, and self love? 

Congratulations on leaving a harmful relationship!  It takes strength to do that so you're already further along than  you give yourself credit for!  I love the Star card for the hope it brings and for the light it lends to guide us in the darkness.  If you ever find a single Star card, I suggest carrying it with you in your bag.  Just having that energy close will possibly provide you focus when you're feeling alone. :animated-smileys-hug-002:

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48 minutes ago, Nordica De Spell said:

Dear Halcyon,

 

Congratulations on getting out of that!! And with the cards, I nearly said ”All of them!”

 

One of the challenges is just about finding your own thoughts, ideas, feelings etc. again. I’m sure you know that! 

 

So, just sitting with the cards, and any introspection you can do, and whatever comes up to deal with; without that person meddling and tampering with your mind, is a step away from that person, and more into finding your own ground and self again.

 

Honestly, those people are like spiders creeping up inside, web is everywhere and it can take a long time to untangle yourself. Emotionally as well.

 

Give yourself time, talk about it, find support here and off-line, compliment yourself for getting out — acknowledge that that’s A BIG MOVE — and you’re already strong and wise for moving away!!

 

And don’t give up.

 

You’ll get there, and you’ll have your life again!!

 

It can take a while, but you will, and that person will have zero significance anymore. 

 

:animated-smileys-hug-002:

Thank you. And yes, just sitting with the cards, looking at them, feeling their message has been very helpful. It has been 20 long years so healing wont happen overnight. 

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44 minutes ago, Cookie said:

It'll be the shadow-side of the cards first.  You have to understand why you attracted him & fell for him, why you didn't see through him earlier, & what role he played in your life.  It's a painful process, but necessary, otherwise it'll just happen again.   

 

The Devil is the obvious card, and maybe The Emperor if you had a difficult relationship with your father.  Perhaps not so obvious is the 6 of Pentacles & the mutual dependence of the abuser & the abused ... and you have to address the balance within yourself.   On a more Jungian level is the dark-side of 2 of Cups ... they are looking in each others eyes: they see nothing else but soulmates, the love of their lives, they see a reflection of themselves (the two look alike in the card) but one is the devil disguised & the other still doesn't see this.   This again is more about yourself, and recognising the 'sheep in wolf's clothing' before you fall for the same person again.

 

Everyone says they won't fall for the same type again, but they always do because they attract each other like magnate unless they understand the reasons why.  Luckily tarot is the perfect tool for this kind of self-work, deep introspection & healing.

 

When you've done the shadow-side, Ace of Cups & Temperance are the perfect tonic.  Good luck.

 

Just read it back & I didn't mean to sound so harsh....I grew up in a family & a town knee-deep in dysfunctional relationships, hence the cynicism.  However, I do stand by the above.  But yes, congratulations for the getting out!!

 

 

I think he presented one side to me, a side I was craving: stability, kindness, intelligence and seeming compassion. Covert Narcs are really, really good at deception and making their partner feel like there is something wrong with them (gaslighting). And yes--that comment about finding my own balance rings true. The Justice and Judgment cards have been coming up a lot, as have 2 of pentacles. We are still not over the divorce process and he is making it extremely difficult, so I have to learn boundaries NOW, learn to projcet strength NOW if I am going to come out of this. 

 

I have zero interest in starting a new relationship right now, and when I say zero, i mean like negative a million--I can't trust ANYONE right now because I feel so deceived by someone I trusted. That will take a lot of time. 

 

Ace of Cups is coming up too for me in the near future spot, so that's a good sign. 

 

And you dont sound harsh at ALL.

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13 minutes ago, Saturn Celeste said:

Congratulations on leaving a harmful relationship!  It takes strength to do that so you're already further along than  you give yourself credit for!  I love the Star card for the hope it brings and for the light it lends to guide us in the darkness.  If you ever find a single Star card, I suggest carrying it with you in your bag.  Just having that energy close will possibly provide you focus when you're feeling alone. :animated-smileys-hug-002:

Thank you. Ah yes, the Star card 🙂 love it. Thank you for the suggestion of carrying it with me. The cards that are really resonating with me right now are The Hanged Man and the Fool....

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46 minutes ago, Raggydoll said:

There are many cards that hold nourishing energies but the one I would really want to include would be the World. To me, no other card gives you that same energy. Looking at it, I feel that it depicts someone that is whole; fully in charge and heightened to a new level. This person is now able to celebrate themselves and their life, and their nudity is not a sign of vulnerability but of the strength that comes from knowing ones true identity. This is a very spiritual and empowering card, in my opinion. 

Thank you. I will meditate on this card this week--the vulnerability presented in the card (which of course is a big part of its strength) is almost too much for me to bear right now, but I am striving towards it.

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6 minutes ago, Halcyon said:

Thank you. I will meditate on this card this week--the vulnerability presented in the card (which of course is a big part of its strength) is almost too much for me to bear right now, but I am striving towards it.

If it’s too soon then don’t push yourself! Self care is so important ❤️

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14 minutes ago, Halcyon said:

I think he presented one side to me, a side I was craving: stability, kindness, intelligence and seeming compassion. Covert Narcs are really, really good at deception and making their partner feel like there is something wrong with them (gaslighting). And yes--that comment about finding my own balance rings true. The Justice and Judgment cards have been coming up a lot, as have 2 of pentacles. We are still not over the divorce process and he is making it extremely difficult, so I have to learn boundaries NOW, learn to projcet strength NOW if I am going to come out of this. 

 

I have zero interest in starting a new relationship right now, and when I say zero, i mean like negative a million--I can't trust ANYONE right now because I feel so deceived by someone I trusted. That will take a lot of time. 

 

Ace of Cups is coming up too for me in the near future spot, so that's a good sign. 

 

And you dont sound harsh at ALL.

Okay, yes thanks @Halcyon for the feedback.  Yes, I can tell from what you say that you're well down that road which I speak and you're introspection has been deep.   20 years!!   I understand your need for aloneness.  

 

And gaslighting..I was so interested in the concept when I heard about it that I watched the film Gaslight from which the notion was struck...creepy.

 

Anyway, good luck, I'm sure the cards will give you the solace you seek. 

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There’s a lot out there on how to deal (and how to act) during divorce proceedings where a narcissist is the other party. 

 

My advice would be to just let go off without a fight, that which you can live without. And don’t give an ounce more of your words to him than is absolutely necessary. Communicate only on the factual; and if possible as much as possible through someone else like a lawyer. Or through the written. Ignore the vast majority of what he is saying and doing. 

 

Give him as little fuel or openings to hurt you as absolutely possible.

 

Just get out as soon as you can. 

 

(Healing is great, but may have to wait, because strength and all those good results don’t come right away or overnight, but actually healing can be a very difficult process at first... where you have to be in a safe environment to be that fragile and tend to the wounds.)

 

But just read up on how to be smart about the divorce, first of all. Even if you’re not strong right now; you can fake it and make all the right moves as recommended by those in the know.

 

Once he is gone from your life, it will feel easier to take the healing one step at a time, as needed. 🌾

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