issue when reading for another person

[Onibaba]

I was wondering what would be the cause of someone reading tarot cards for another person, but end up having the reading be about them and not the sitter? What causes such phenomena? Is it some sort of magical mishap? Some angry witch put a curse on you so you can’t give out advice to others? 😂  What gives?

[Raggydoll]

I’m typically inclined to think that it’s a matter of being too much in ones own head. So basically, if you have a lot going on in your own life you might project it on the cards. Sometimes parts of a reading can feel like it’s meant for you, while sometimes also resonating with the reader. If that’s really the case though, it’s hard to say. I think it’s best to try and mentally step aside before reading for others. 
 

Regarding curses and witches.. I saw your other post earlier where you wrote about those witches who you feel have targeted you. It struck me as not entirely coincidental that you mention witches again, albeit jokingly this time. You think that it’s possible that they are behind this? 

[Onibaba]

6 minutes ago, Raggydoll said:

I’m typically inclined to think that it’s a matter of being too much in ones own head. So basically, if you have a lot going on in your own life you might project it on the cards. Sometimes parts of a reading can feel like it’s meant for you, while sometimes also resonating with the reader. If that’s really the case though, it’s hard to say. I think it’s best to try and mentally step aside before reading for others. 
 

thanks for quick reply. I was googling and saw that sometimes readers use phrases like, “oh, it looks like this reading was about me and not you” so it seems like it happens more times than not. I ask because I was doing a reading for my sister just now and she said nothing resonated. When I saw what I typed to her, it pretty much just reflected my own problem. Then I remembered reading for Daniel on here and I started to see a pattern.
 

How can this be remedied?  How do you properly clear your mind before a reading? 

[Raggydoll]

1 hour ago, Onibaba said:

thanks for quick reply. I was googling and saw that sometimes readers use phrases like, “oh, it looks like this reading was about me and not you” so it seems like it happens more times than not. I ask because I was doing a reading for my sister just now and she said nothing resonated. When I saw what I typed to her, it pretty much just reflected my own problem. Then I remembered reading for Daniel on here and I started to see a pattern.
 

How can this be remedied?  How do you properly clear your mind before a reading? 

I see. There are two other potential causes that I want to mention. None of them might apply here, but I will list them just in case.

1. If the reading relates to things that have not happened yet, then maybe it will resonate with her later on. If it related to the past or present, then that's probably not whats going on.

2. If the question of the reading was not optimal - like if it was built on an assumption that turned out to not be true, sometimes the reading will be nonsensical.

 

If none of those things apply, then yeah, its possible that you subconsciously projected your own energies into the cards. I think its really valuable to have some sort of quick 'ritual' prior to the reading. Nothing fancy, but basically doing some mindfulness or cord-cutting. One thing that I find is important when I read in my own home, is to tidy up the space prior to the reading. Maybe its just me, but it actually helps a lot to have a clean surface and not have to look at piles of any kind in the background. If you read somewhere else, maybe take a few minutes prior to going there, to have your mind go blank. Maybe a mini meditation, or like a quick body-scan (like in mindfulness practices). I have a method that works for me, I allow my inner to go dark. So that there is nothing but the void there. That's what I do whenever I struggle to sleep or when I need to distance myself from something. I have tried explaining my method for others, and while some have seemed to find it useful, others struggle to understand it. So I think there is an individual factor, and its important to find what works for you. I have some other things I like to do prior to certain types of readings too, where i more or less have programmed myself to induce visions faster. But I don't think that applies here, so I won't go into it!  

 

Oh, and another thing that I do, that might be of interest though.. I 'connect' psychically with the person I read for, prior to the reading. This is why I often ask my sitters to give me a few random facts about them before the reading (basically I just tell them to describe themselves in a short and casual way, just one or two sentences), so I have something to tag onto. This works really well. I do both regular readings and psychic readings and typically I have psychic sessions at the start of the reading, and its for that bit that I like to have something specific to steer myself towards. I am sure it would work for more common readings too. I find that 'random information' is often better than the usual that some readers ask for - name, age, gender, zodiac sign etc. I don't really need any of that. I think it can be even more helpful if someone says "I once accidentally ate a spider at the age of 5, I like banana ice cream but only if it is half-melted, and when I did the laundry last week I saw a sock that looked like Clint Eastwood. " 😄 (Not an actual quote 😛 since I do believe in client confidentiality ☺️ ) 

[stephanelli]

3 hours ago, Onibaba said:

thanks for quick reply. I was googling and saw that sometimes readers use phrases like, “oh, it looks like this reading was about me and not you” so it seems like it happens more times than not. I ask because I was doing a reading for my sister just now and she said nothing resonated. When I saw what I typed to her, it pretty much just reflected my own problem. Then I remembered reading for Daniel on here and I started to see a pattern.
 

What Raggydoll said.

3 hours ago, Onibaba said:

How can this be remedied?  How do you properly clear your mind before a reading? 

For me, I like to sit in meditation for a few minutes prior to a reading.

Usually just a few minutes of pranayama practise (breathing exercises) and a quick body scan are enough to settle me in and clear my mind.

 

And the other thing is to make sure the question is clear about who the reading is for.

As an example, let's say I'm doing a career reading for you. As I shuffle I like to think or say: "I am doing a career reading for Onibaba.  What does Onibaba need to know about their career?" (And obviously that question can be changed depending on the spread and question etc.)

I think of this as intention setting and it also helps me to focus my mind at the beginning of the reading.

[Raggydoll]

@stephanelli 'Intention setting' is a great way of describing it!

[stephanelli]

4 minutes ago, Raggydoll said:

@stephanelli 'Intention setting' is a great way of describing it!

Thanks! - to me, intention is the most important part of the shuffling stage.  That's what brings the right cards into the reading. (In my opinion).

It's why I always make sure the question is written in a good way too.

[DanielJUK]

When I was about a year into tarot reading I thought I mastered it and was so confident at doing readings and read for someone else on the old tarot forum AT in a circle exchange and did this beautiful reading, it was all about Women fighting and power playing (there were 3 Queen's there!), I remember it was like a chess game, power moves and things like that. Posted the reading and my partner could not understand anything about it, I was crushed 😢. It was so embarrassing! The feedback was like I cannot understand one thing from this 😬

 

One month later I discovered what had happened, this reading was actually for me! When I was doing the reading, I found out that week that someone (who I didn't really know well) in part of my distant family had died, she was a woman influential in my Father's childhood but traumatised him but we were not blood related. My Father separated that family branch off from his children when we were young because he thought they were manipulative. He went to her funeral after much thinking about it and reconnected with the rest of this family in a nice way. We actually all met the Ladies's daughter later on (who is sort of like a relative to me) and much closer now. I discovered I had predicted what had happened, something I had wondered my whole life! There were 3 women of different generations in this family, matriarchs, who were constantly power playing and the oldest woman (we know now in modern times) had untreated severe bi-polar disorder. She would have favourites in the family and people she hated (like my Father) and would swing in her moods between them when they were children. She was very cruel to the young people in the family who were not in her favourites at that moment. I found out the truth of 40 years of weird family drama and it gave me closure. But I never knew any of this till the reading and after reconnecting to the family as my Father would not speak about them to us. It's all ended well, we have a good relationship with those distant family members now, we had this family meet up and discussed all the bad memories and connected all the dots.

 

But that original reading, the reading came to the wrong person! I thought about this a lot at the time. I believe that divination wants to get a message out and really believe sometimes it's good to ask "what does the universe want me to know at this time?" because you get interesting insights. When I was doing this exchange, I hadn't read any divination cards for about 4 to 6 weeks, I was having a break. So this exchange was the first time I had read again and the universe / sub-conscious /whatever we believe readings come from, was desperate to get this relevant message at the time out to me. It wanted to tell me and so over rode the reading I was doing.

 

I changed my reading method after this situation and agree with everyone else here, the answer is about making an intention. When I read now I make it clear when shuffling who I am reading for, who I want it directed to. For example I will shuffle and say, "this is a reading for onibaba and the question is......". I use people's forum names as an intention if I don't know their real name and it works fine, it's about directing the reading to who it's for rather than exact details about a person. So I always ask for a reading for "name / forum name" in readings and never had this problem again, phew 🙂

 

If you don't make it clear for who you are reading for, you can never be sure it's not for you or for other people in the reading. I would also say that often you see the same trends coming up in readings for different people but that doesn't mean it's not for them. You can get the same themes coming up but just give it to the person. But unless you make an intention or direction of the reading to who it's for, it can go wrong like in my story 🙂

[Onibaba]

Thank you all for the replies. I will keep trying. I’d like to open up a tarot thread in the exchange section this weekend to get some more light practice and try your tips out. 

[gregory]

6 hours ago, Raggydoll said:

I’m typically inclined to think that it’s a matter of being too much in ones own head. So basically, if you have a lot going on in your own life you might project it on the cards. Sometimes parts of a reading can feel like it’s meant for you, while sometimes also resonating with the reader. If that’s really the case though, it’s hard to say. I think it’s best to try and mentally step aside before reading for others. 
 

Regarding curses and witches.. I saw your other post earlier where you wrote about those witches who you feel have targeted you. It struck me as not entirely coincidental that you mention witches again, albeit jokingly this time. You think that it’s possible that they are behind this? 

 

In my view, if that happens - you simply read the cards wrong. Maybe the sitter is in the same situation as you are - but more likely it is the same kind of thing that happens when I read for myself (which I no longer do.) If I don't like what I hear, I find I can always apply it to another area of my life - "yes THAT works." I think it's related, in a way to "making it all about you".... (you=generic !) I'd say look again - it wasn't about you. Unless you actually subconsciously intended it to be in the first place, or the reading fits what you had hoped for yourself....

And if you were serious - I doubt if witches have anything to do with this.

 

6 hours ago, Onibaba said:

thanks for quick reply. I was googling and saw that sometimes readers use phrases like, “oh, it looks like this reading was about me and not you” so it seems like it happens more times than not. I ask because I was doing a reading for my sister just now and she said nothing resonated. When I saw what I typed to her, it pretty much just reflected my own problem. Then I remembered reading for Daniel on here and I started to see a pattern.
 

How can this be remedied?  How do you properly clear your mind before a reading? 

 

FOCUS; think of your sitter. Forget yourself. You are not the issue. Never forget that.

 

2 hours ago, Raggydoll said:

@stephanelli 'Intention setting' is a great way of describing it!

 

Exactly this. target your sitter; make their need for a reading your priority. And apply the cards to them and their question, rigorously, even if you want it to be about you because "oh look it says there's a new job coming up so clearly I'll get the one I just interviewer for...." NO !

 

But if you REALLY can't do it just now - stop reading for others for a bit.

Edited October 15, 2021 by gregory

[DanielJUK]

go easy on yourself @Onibaba when you are a beginner I think part of the journey is working out the best method for you. I am sure your exchange will help you work this out 🙂. It's okay to make mistakes and work out a different way of doing things along the way, that's what I did, it's all about learning!

[Onibaba]

Thanks, @gregory and @DanielJUK  very helpful advice. I opened a thread to practice. Hope to see you guys there so I can keep trying to improve my focus. 

[Eric13]

Meditating is great way to clear the mind. Using the cards to meditate is also a great way to help both meditation and having a more symbiotic connection with the deck which could help to focus on the sitter. Also remember the sitter is choosing you for your insight with the cards. 

[Onibaba]

8 hours ago, TheThumbPuppy said:

 

I like to create an atmosphere of empathy between me and my reader, although I have to be careful not to fall into what I call an empath vortex, where I absorb the emotions of the other person to an extent that sidetracks my own life.

 

interesting. I’ve never heard of that before. How do you avoid that?

[Onibaba]

2 minutes ago, Eric13 said:

Meditating is great way to clear the mind. Using the cards to meditate is also a great way to help both meditation and having a more symbiotic connection with the deck which could help to focus on the sitter. Also remember the sitter is choosing you for your insight with the cards. 

how do you use the cards to meditate? Do you pick one and sit and think of it?

[Marina]

On 10/14/2021 at 11:53 PM, Onibaba said:

I was wondering what would be the cause of someone reading tarot cards for another person, but end up having the reading be about them and not the sitter? What causes such phenomena? Is it some sort of magical mishap? Some angry witch put a curse on you so you can’t give out advice to others? 😂  What gives?

 

Oh, that happens sometimes. In my experience, the most common reason for that when you have an issue that is taking up so much of your mind that you find it hard to put it aside and "serve as a messenger". 

 

I believe that when I am reading for others, aside from bringing my knowledge of the oracles, I also work as a "conduit" for a message. The reading is not mine - it's my sitter's. It's common for me to even forget about readings I did for others because it was something meant for them (unless I write it down, of course). But there are times in which I'm am rather caught up in an issue of mine and that makes it hard to achieve this state.

 

Being a messenger is an act of letting go a bit, if you are too pressured about your performance (and that can happen to all of us), then it becomes harder to to do it.

 

This is why I refuse to read for people who clearly don't actually want a reading and are just seeking to "test me"... the whole thing is a lot more about the performance than the message and it's bad for me and also a waste of my time/energy. 

[Onibaba]

1 hour ago, marinaoracles said:

 

Oh, that happens sometimes. In my experience, the most common reason for that when you have an issue that is taking up so much of your mind that you find it hard to put it aside and "serve as a messenger". 

 

I believe that when I am reading for others, aside from bringing my knowledge of the oracles, I also work as a "conduit" for a message. The reading is not mine - it's my sitter's. It's common for me to even forget about readings I did for others because it was something meant for them (unless I write it down, of course). But there are times in which I'm am rather caught up in an issue of mine and that makes it hard to achieve this state.

 

Being a messenger is an act of letting go a bit, if you are too pressured about your performance (and that can happen to all of us), then it becomes harder to to do it.

 

This is why I refuse to read for people who clearly don't actually want a reading and are just seeking to "test me"... the whole thing is a lot more about the performance than the message and it's bad for me and also a waste of my time/energy. 

good point. 

[gregory]

17 hours ago, TheThumbPuppy said:

I like to create an atmosphere of empathy between me and my reader, although I have to be careful not to fall into what I call an empath vortex, where I absorb the emotions of the other person to an extent that sidetracks my own life.

 

8 hours ago, Onibaba said:

interesting. I’ve never heard of that before. How do you avoid that?

 

Focus on the other person. Forget about yourself. You don't matter. But many readers are too self-centred to do that, and that's where the "OOH OOH it's for me really" kicks in.

 

4 hours ago, marinaoracles said:

This is why I refuse to read for people who clearly don't actually want a reading and are just seeking to "test me"... the whole thing is a lot more about the performance than the message and it's bad for me and also a waste of my time/energy. 

 

Me too. The only time I EVER read for someone who didn't really need a reading was when several of us wanted a deck tested for over-fluffiness. It STILL worked out; the cards were vicious and delivered a quite unpleasant message the sitter really needed to hear. We were all surprised. But - I had focused thoroughly on her.

[Jewel]

I also use intention setting when reading for others, using their name while shuffling and noting it is their question to be answered.

 

If you primarily read for yourself, like I do, intention setting really helps clear your own clutter as you are automatically fully focusing on the person you are reading for and not yourself or your own questions and your mind does not have a chance wonder off into your own issues (being inside your own head).