Anybody remember me?...

[Symph]

So I know I'm an existing member, and maybe shouldn't be doing this in the intro section, but it HAS been 5 years since I last posted so I figured it made sense to sort of reintroduce myself and explain where I've been.  

 

I'm Symph, primarily I'm just a spiritual rock musician, but I got into tarot about 5 years ago and wound up here, I remember many of you as really awesome people.   So why did I leave abruptly?  It was quite a few things but I think mainly my conscience kept wrestling with whether or not I felt good about tarot, witchcraft, occult, all these buzz words that having grown up christian I'm so programmed to fear.    While I was wrestling with all that, I got reeeeally sick, ended up couch ridden for a year, and lost all my confidence.  I didn't want to show anyone my music, felt like it all sucked, didn't want to share my youtube videos cause I felt I was too cringe etc, and I eventually just lost the will to post, and didn't have the will to explain.  

 

But something very interesting happened after that, and you might be the only people I know online who might actually believe me about it.  After a year of being in non stop pain in my gut, and seeing a doctor and specialist who had no idea what was wrong and couldn't help me, in desperation I went into silence for 3 days, and every waking moment I sent a pulse out into the universe that basically just said "show me what to do please, I will do ANYTHING"  after 3 days, I felt a download say "chant om".   And so I began doing that every waking moment of every single day.  Through this, I began to see a recurring pattern in my body, and started finding these "knots" for lack of a better word in my body.  I found that if I focused on the knots, chanted om and imagined a blue flame burning them up, I could start using a spiral motion to untie these knots.  

 

With how fast I could move this stuff, I really thought I'd be pain free in a matter of months, but here I am 5 years later and I'm only just now starting to TRULY feel normal.  It's like, while I knew for a fact I was unblocking these things, it seemed to start a process I couldn't stop that was painful and tumultuous.  I worked my way up my sides, into my chest, then my back, and at this point I really just still feel some left in my left shoulder and neck, and these spots seem to be tied to my sense of well being and confidence.  So while it's not perfect, I FINALLY feel clear headed (the gut pain seems tied to a mental block too) to actually want to get back out there and talk to people again.  

 

Unfortunately, my obsession with untying the knots was too out there for my wife to handle, and I really did seem crazy I don't blame her, so she left me about a year ago, and I live with my parents now who have also had a very tough time dealing with my insistence that this is real and important.  I've had a LOT of trouble making money, and I can't read Tarot because my parents won't allow the cards in their house.  Fortunately I still have my decks in a box in the garage, but I don't read them out of respect.  I would say I'm about 80 percent better, and well enough now to start putting music content out and trying to gain some followers, I've been flirting with the idea of a patreon and a kickstarter, though this gradual "coming out of the fog" makes me a bit hesitant, I want to be sure I'm stable enough to stick with whatever I do.  

 

So with all that said, last couple of days I just suddenly started remembering you guys, remembering how many kind and helpful people were on this forum, and in 5 years I've definitely come more to terms with my true beliefs, and lightened up a lot about the esoteric and occult.   So I feel like if I start participating here again, I will probably be far less conflicted now, and I could really use some friends, been TRULY alone for a very long time.  

 

So yeah, sorry for the novel, believe it or not this was me keeping things brief!  Hope you all are doing well in these crazy times, and I'll see you on the forums!

[Libra 58]

@Symph Welcome back, I remember your avatar. 

Hope everything will work out fine for your health.

[Lee3]

I Disappeared abruptly 5/6 years ago too but I’m not sure why , 

your post notification first one I’ve had since then which prompted me to remember so welcome back on both sides I guess 

[Raggydoll]

Welcome back to the both of you! 😀

[DanielJUK]

@Symph it's fine to post a re-introduction thread. I am glad you are feeling better and lovely to see you return to divination and this community 🤗

 

@Lee3 lovely to see you around the place again as well 🙂 

[joy]

Hello and welcome back @Symph I do remember you. Glad you are back🤗

 

Welcome back @Lee3 good to have you here again 🤗

[Symph]

6 hours ago, Lee3 said:

I Disappeared abruptly 5/6 years ago too but I’m not sure why , 

your post notification first one I’ve had since then which prompted me to remember so welcome back on both sides I guess 

I think I remember your avatar, that's interesting!  I mean a LOT of people are talking about how a shift has happened in the collective recently, but then.... aren't they ALWAYYYYS????  lol  I dunno, great minds and all that I shpose....  And thanks everyone else for saying hey :)

[Wanderer]

...and just to join the party, I remember both of you, too, and wish you well! 😀Sorry to hear about your health and personal problems, Synth - that's really rough, but it's good to hear you're coming out the other side now. I've basically been absent for several years, too (although I've been keeping an occasional eye on what's happening here). 

[Raggydoll]

Good to see you @Wanderer!! 

[Symph]

@Wanderer Ah yes!  I remember you as well!  Yeah right after I checked some posts this morning, I go to youtube and the first video was a spiritual teacher I watch from time to time was basically saying that many light workers and tapped in types are starting to come out of hiding because the energy has shifted or something.  So maybe that's it who knows haha

Edited September 28 by Symph

[Wanderer]

1 hour ago, Raggydoll said:

Good to see you @Wanderer!! 

You too, Raggy! 😁👋

1 hour ago, Symph said:

@Wanderer Ah yes!  I remember you as well!  Yeah right after I checked some posts this morning, I go to youtube and the first video was a spiritual teacher I watch from time to time was basically saying that many light workers and tapped in types are starting to come out of hiding because the energy has shifted or something.  So maybe that's it who knows haha

It does feel as though the world is going through some major psychological changes at the moment; perhaps everything is in such a mess that the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way. Who knows, though? I can't say I believe in that type of 'energy' narrative, but whatever the reason, I'm glad you're re-emerging! 😎

[Mister]

Hi @Symph

You are a legend.

Well, to me.

 

We never met, but I do remember you well from reading through old threads - the part where you described your first reading adventure around the office you've been working, including the 'heebie-jeebies' you got - well, long story short, I thought "a shame that guy ain't here now" - simply because each and every post of yours was - and is - so full of life.

 

And that is a rare quality you have there! So welcome back here!

Besides, congratulations on going through with your process despite the steep price.

As an aside, what you did and experienced is quiet simply "how its done", although the specific means vary - you went by inner view and feel plus imagination from what it sounds like. Others go by feel or sight only. Some do it by feel and listening, attention on either, noise or words.

To go by the nose is the rarest here, by a long shot. It'd be a mild form of "clearsmellance" then.

However, the three grands are feel, sight and listening, all three part of your process.

Nuffin' spooky 'bout that, if I may say so.

Didn't even touch upon the knots, you know well enough what that is already.

And your body taught you that its real enough to work at least.

 

Ah, lastly, I am an on-and-off guy with this forum mostly due to an inability to multitask, so if it shall ever happen that you wrote something and are waiting for some reply from me, don't bother - it will come.

"Within the next three weeks" is the most likely timeframe, if that doesn't hold, take the next bigger unit.

 

Cheers!

[Symph]

@Mister  Talk about boosting my confidence, thank you!!  I actually just recorded a live song to try and kick things off on tik tok, and kept looking at my energy and thinking "God I'm instense, why am I so intense, maybe I should tone down the energy...."  And hearing you call it a positive thing has just immediately made me like "Right, I am intense, but some people LIKE IT, IT'S OK!!!!" lol  And I knew this was the place where I could talk about my "weird healing journey", so you wanna get a little more into that eh?  ok, yeah it's taught me alot about the body and how it works.  

 

So like I said, at first I was just chanting om all day, didn't even know why spirit told me to do it, just doing it,  but in time I started to notice this mass or blockage inside of me, that would move when I'd chant, and my brain was like "wait, this isn't magic, it's literally vibrating this thing out of me physically"  I think that caused me to try and see the blockage more clearly in my minds eye, and I started noticing the recurring pattern.  Oddly enough, the main pattern is a swastika, swastikas within swastikas going all throughout the body, (which is VERY interesting to think about since that symbol is way more ancient than nazis are)  

 

I think at this time I was watching a lot of Greg Braden and other people like him, and they talk a lot about mind body connection, the power of intention etc.  So I thought "ok, I see this pattern, and anywhere the swastikas connect, if I chant long enough, something snaps, and I feel a small shift, like relief in that spot, soooo how do I make this go faster".  And being a fan of dragonball Z lol, I thought, "ok I'll imagine myself engulfed in a blue flame like goku, I'll go SUPER SAIYAN!!!!"  First time I tried it I was NOT expecting it to work as well as it did.  I then realized what I imagined could be anything though, not just a blue flame, could be white light, could be imagining electricity, all that matters is that I make it visual in my minds eye, and find the spot where the intersections happen so I could break that.  

 

But THEN, I started to realize I could go even faster, if I moved my body in a spiral, and this technique had me looking insane, I started to remind myself of videos I've seen where hindu people are breathing in crazy ways and convulsing and spasming all over the place, well that's what it would have looked like to an outsider, (though I was always alone on my bed)   but for me it felt like disappearing into the blue flame, and letting ANYTHING that needed to move, snap, or spiral do so.  I began to realize EVERYTHING spirals.  

 

As far as knowing what the knots are, I mean I always considered it blocked chakra points, however I was watching a video by this guy ummm.. edward grant?  That might be his name, might be getting it wrong, and he starts talking about spiritual knots the hindus call "guntis"  (once again I'm only 60 percent on that name)  and when I actually heard him say that I was just like "holy **** I KNEW this was a thing!!!"  There were lots of times when I'd start to doubt if what I was doing was real, only for some metaphysical enthusiast person to wind up on my screen describing exactly what I was doing and proving to me it was indeed real.  

 

Now I know its real because I'm literally pain and nausea free, and my anxiety is about half what it used to be.  Wish I could say it was perfect, not sure how long I have to go till I have what I am calling "the clear channel", (aka no blockage at all)   As of right now, life just seems manageable again, and I can work with that.  I can "go super saiyan" for a few hours in the morning and at night, and get on with life in between.  Is there a place where I can share music?  I started recording again a few weeks ago if you guys are interested in hearing some stuff.  But yeah it's all very fascinating, I think the more clear I become, the more vivid reality seems and the quieter my inner thought world becomes. 

 

A few other interesting tidbits, sometimes when I get a larger "pop" in an area, I see my peripheral vision widen in real time.  Another thing that happens is getting a big pop and then having a sudden memory from childhood come back, something I totally shouldn't remember, like how a room in my grandmother's house smelled, or a friend I haven't thought about since 5th grade etc.  So yeah we'll see where it goes!  Feels good to actually tell someone about it!  Thanks for asking!

[DanielJUK]

Nice to see you around the place again as well @Wanderer 🥰

 

During the pandemic in 2020, so many regulars disappeared from the forum, some have returned in time, but others never returned. They all have different reasons why they needed time away from the forum / divination and it's totally understandable in that situation. I was just so surprised, you would think people would use divination for comfort but the opposite happened. Maybe now everyone needs it again

[Symph]

@DanielJUK Yeah I feel that, for me I was too conflicted for it to be comforting, I think part of me was still like, not sure if I was doing something wrong even though I absolutely loved it.  But if there is anything that's been a theme for me over the last few months it has been an increase in mental clarity and a reduction of paranoia, and as that started happening, more and more I started remembering my cards like I was remembering old friends I missed.  This passed week it's really ramped up to an almost longing.  That's why I'm now trying to do everything in my power to get out on my own so I can read them again.  Good to see you!

[FindYourSovereignty]

Welcome back and nice to see all of you, @Symph, @Lee3, @Wanderer and @Mister.

[Wanderer]

15 hours ago, DanielJUK said:

Nice to see you around the place again as well @Wanderer 🥰

 

During the pandemic in 2020, so many regulars disappeared from the forum, some have returned in time, but others never returned. They all have different reasons why they needed time away from the forum / divination and it's totally understandable in that situation. I was just so surprised, you would think people would use divination for comfort but the opposite happened. Maybe now everyone needs it again

Thanks, Daniel - and you too! ☺️ Yes, it's odd how the pandemic changed so much, in sometimes inexplicable ways. We've found that people have generally reverted to their own smaller social bubbles, for example, and don't engage as much with events and so on, even in a small town. No idea why, but it seems to be a new normal. Perhaps people are now starting to find that they're craving some of the social variety they used to have, and that's part of why things seem to be changing again... but I'm completely guessing. 

 

@FindYourSovereignty: Hiya! 

 

[jupiter]

So strange but so cool; I remember your username as we were active during the same period and disappeared for the same duration as well, and I also just found my way back here.

 

Nice to see you all!

[Symph]

Ok.... this can't be coincidence....  We all left for a reason, we're all back for a reason, I'm calling it lol

[Mister]

@Symph You know what?

There are people I'd like to simmer down - and there are people like you, who seriously have to simmer up, and a good deal at that.

 

And so, here goes:

On 9/28/2025 at 8:56 PM, Symph said:

"God I'm instense, why am I so intense, maybe I should tone down the energy...."

Can you? While remaining true to yourself and thus in a healthy state?

Should be impossible, can't be your way.

 

On 9/28/2025 at 8:56 PM, Symph said:

"Right, I am intense, but some people LIKE IT, IT'S OK!!!!"

To that what matters:

You are (already!) inspiring people, seeing as you profess as an artist, isn't that what it is all about?

 

On 9/28/2025 at 8:56 PM, Symph said:

"wait, this isn't magic, it's literally vibrating this thing out of me physically"

There is no difference. It is magic, and it is working physically.

There is a common missunderstanding that magic is mysterious and removed from the world, which is stupid, it could never work that way.

The ways to get there are concealed, true, however the thing itself is pretty much accessible in a very physical way.

 

On 9/28/2025 at 8:56 PM, Symph said:

And being a fan of dragonball Z lol, I thought, "ok I'll imagine myself engulfed in a blue flame like goku, I'll go SUPER SAIYAN!!!!" [...] 

 

I then realized what I imagined could be anything though [...] all that matters is that I make it visual in my minds eye, and find the spot where the intersections happen so I could break that.

There you got your one sentence curriculum on how to access what previously escaped reach.

 

On those swastikas, the oldest record belongs to the bon-people, nowadays a core sect in buddhism. There, that symbol is called yungdrung.

 

On 9/28/2025 at 8:56 PM, Symph said:

the more clear I become, the more vivid reality seems and the quieter my inner thought world becomes.

It works the other way round, too, which is why some sort of practice to engulf 'inner silence' is found in about any serious practice on that matter.

Example: the above mentioned bon-people's sect (one of the five core sects of buddhism) are the legitimate inheritors of an enhanced practice of inner silence called dzogchen.

 

Which is, in all honesty, pretty similar to what you experience, and I mean all of it, only thing being theirs is an organised approached whilst yours is a chaotic one, as such, the steps are jumbled up.

Please mind that for an individual, there is no need to follow any specific schedule, even more so for us westerners who sing the praise of individuality - what matters way more is that we are true to our affinity and have at it with confidence and a curious mind.

 

On 9/28/2025 at 8:56 PM, Symph said:

Another thing that happens is getting a big pop and then having a sudden memory from childhood come back, something I totally shouldn't remember

That happens lots.

Each and every one of them are a sort of trauma release.

Every non-superficial experience does get recorded in our being as a sort of trauma.

To be blunt, trauma, or weaving patterns, is how our bioenergetic system sets memories.

As time goes on, those memories/patterns do not always align well, and thus, we get a knot.

When there are too many, we start to feel sick.

So for as long as you are part of the living, you will be weaving patterns and untangling knots, at least if you aim to stay healthy along your journey.

 

In regards to our sovereignty as human beings, by embarking on our spiritual journey and embracing the art coming along with it, we become able to somewhat select the patterns we weave along a rising sensivity for "when knots start to form".

So, in addition to our massive addiction to oxygene, finding ourselves "craving some meditation" is what happens.

 

Now in regards to that spiritual journey there is one thing set in stone.

The wording of a "spiritual journey" has true value only if spoken from the base that spirit is the matter our universe consists of.

Once that premise is realised, things (finally) make sense.

To a degree.

Limitation is the charm of a human life - if that is lost, so is intensity, and the sun does shine no longer.

Which is why every living being shuns boredom and likes excitement.

 

And it is why we absolutely hate a know-it-all, for we feel that the limiter is off, and thus the charm is lost.

Which brings us to the fool and the sage, and the need of each of them to stick to their area of expertise, which is why "they do not change".

The one because of knowing, the other out of instinct.

One because he can, the other because he can't but.

Both is divine.

[Symph]

@Mister  If I could like that post 3 times I would, you should have seen me grinning ear to ear reading all that.  Like... I have truly felt crazy for a long time over this, while having to keep going "BUT I AM TANGIBLY GETTING BETTER AND FEELING LIGHTER, I CAN'T BE CRAZY"  But when your own family thinks you are, (and they legit do) and you have no encouragement coming from anyone, it's so hard to not feel that way.  And yet it's almost like... there's just no other path for me, no way forward but this, like my body said "I'm not working anymore till you figure out how to fix me and I know you can do it".   Wish I could live with some "Bon people" haha sounds like my kind of crowd!   I've thought to myself before "If I just lived in some buddhist monk colony they'd recognize the importance of this and help me finish the job", sounds like I could be right about that!  

 

You're right about there not being any toning down my intensity, to do so is like trying to stop the flow of water, it just pools in me and stagnates if I do.   So now the question is, "how do I find acceptance of myself as this intense person" but I already have the answer, keep breaking blockages, cause it's simply trapped fear and doubt.  It also pleases me to hear that there are people who know about the repeating swastikas, I almost didn't type that part because that word is so negatively charged for some, but it's just true, whenever I'm in a highly intuitive state and the pattern becomes more visible, you'll see a huge one running the course of the whole chest shoulder to shoulder, and then countless smaller ones fractalize out of that but it's the same thing, medium ones with smaller ones with smaller ones etc...    So once again, a much needed confirmation.  

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to type all that, it was incredibly validating.  

[Tanga]

"There is no such thing as the supernatural. Only the natural that cannot yet been explained"

 

What an extraordinary story @Symph.

The muse left you...

And has returned with great intensity 🙃

- After you travelled within, and discovered a form of self-healing littered with Kriya release.

They say "the bigger the breakdown, the bigger the breakthrough".

For you - I wish for a beautiful landscape of freedom in which the pinnacle will be to your utmost self-satisfaction.

 

Welcome home.

[Symph]

All I have to say to that @Tanga is.... EPIC.

[Misterei]

On 9/27/2025 at 10:19 PM, Symph said:

... no idea what was wrong and couldn't help me, in desperation I went into silence for 3 days, and every waking moment I sent a pulse out into the universe that basically just said "show me what to do please, I will do ANYTHING"  after 3 days, I felt a download say "chant om".   And so I began doing that every waking moment of every single day.  Through this, I began to see a recurring pattern in my body, and started finding these "knots" for lack of a better word in my body.  I found that if I focused on the knots, chanted om and imagined a blue flame burning them up, I could start using a spiral motion to untie these knots.  

Too long to get into here, but I had similar experiences.

 

At this point my health is improving [thank gods] and i'm able to walk to the store and other things that were impossible 2 years ago. I find the knots are often past trauma [physical or mental] or emotions that have got stuck. I physically roll them out with these little rubber kids' balls i got a bag of them on Amazon. But there's a more formal book and product called The Roll Model and Yoga Tuneup Balls. I roll out the knots combined with meditation--so it's more than the purely physical approach taught in the book. I find various visuals arise. Sometimes a violet flame or other colors. Sometimes geometric patterns. i find there is nearly always some connection between the body part and a thought pattern. 

 

Anyway, your mileage may vary. At times i've found tarot readings on health issues helpful. I've also found good doctors. Some of my problems arose from bad doctors or doctors who weren't the right doctors. I would likely be dying right now had the universe not sent me The Right Doctor for my situation. It was totally random and a bit of grace. But apparently Something wanted me around a bit longer. Wishing you good health and progress in your healing journey.

[Symph]

@Misterei Unbelievable, you think you're the only person going through something only to find out it's happening to lots of people.  This "ball rolling" technique you use, it reminds me of something I do with a blanket.  It actually took me a long time to believe this really worked, as I was just kind of doing it at night while trying to watch TV and get sleepy, but I started taking a blanket that I was wrapped in, putting it over a spot in my stomach or back where I can feel the blockage is ummm, like loose, or moveable, and I'd rub the blanket over that spot, it's kind of hard to explain.  Like pulling it tight around me so there's some real friction when I pull it over the spot, I do this of course while imagining the blue flame (which now that I think of it also can turn violet or pinkish at times, just whatever my brain imagines the easiest at the moment) and yeah I can move large parts of it that way.  

 

It's honestly a way of life for me now, I'm always clearing this stuff out, I find that simply fully paying attention to something with no other thoughts will do it, so I can even do it playing video games so long as I get truly lost in what I'm doing.  That's a slower method, but definitely a more entertaining one, and sometimes a well needed break from chanting and visualizing all day lol.  Crazy to know you couldn't walk to the store, I found standing hard, bending over hard, so yeah I was truly non functional, sounds like you were too.  

 

Knowing we are getting better makes me happy for us both!